Posts Tagged ‘Depression’

Through the Looking Glass

Posted: March 19, 2016 in Poetry
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Intro: An older more heavily hip hop style song. A time when rhyming was more of a focus than the content itself.

An interesting monologue/conversation.

Hey…
I can’t believe this is you…
Can’t believe this is the truth…
Can’t believe you grabbed that knife…
Can’t believe you wanted to end your life…

Could believe you threw your knife down…
could believe your life was found…
Could believe you’ve found brighter days…
Could believe you’d find your way…

Can’t believe you kept spiraling down…
Can’t believe you thought life was done…
Can’t believe you grabbed that gun…
Could believe that gun had blanks…
Thank the Lord…
Thanks…

But here you are lying in a hospital bed…!
No one knew of this life you led…!
Stuck with all these tubes…
This is not how I’d pictured you…
Bloodied shirt…
Feel so hurt…

Can’t believe you didn’t tell me…
Can’t believe that we weren’t homies…
Can’t believe you wrote such harsh words…
Can’t believe you wanted us all cursed…

Could believe we were drifting apart…
Could believe it was because of my cold heart…
Could believe I wouldn’t understand…
Could believe that I still want to be your friend…

Could believe….
Can’t believe…
Could believe…
Can’t believe…

Can’t believe they want me to let you go..
Can’t believe I’ll now be all alone…
No homie to hang out with…
No more laugh out loud moments…
Enough…!
No one is hearing me…!
Who am I!?
Who is this!?
We got the same slit wrists…
Not it can’t be..!
You are me…!
I did the deed…!

Sad for a pen to write VII

Posted: February 12, 2016 in Poetry
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Intro:
This time…
How I used to write so much beautiful things…
Yet you rejected it all…

Lesson learned…
Don’t open your heart to getting burned…
Spurned by the aperture that I thought was love…
Instead is now the very shrug I’ve seen far too much….

Knowing that no matter what is done…Never seems enough on my part…
Always too quick to open my heart…Because I’m always thinking way too far…
Maybe if life’s flows were are on par with my thoughts…
Or I should just admit it…
I’m just wrong…

Shrugged off like I don’t matter at all…
All my words lack any worth…
Lesson Learned…
Once again my best friend is a teary pen…
Let the remorse commence…

Ignored

Posted: November 27, 2015 in Poetry
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It’s true…
Feel like an outcast among strangers…
Common memory makers mark me with malaise…
My own “state” migrates with me wherever I go…
Forever being “The Other”…
Unable to slow…
Stay…
Wait…
My days repeat…
Don’t know what it means to be happy…
For the pursuit ends with me being on my knees…
Begging the Lord for some semblance of peace…
But how I see peace runs against all they see…
They don’t want me to be part of their humanity…
No one does!
Hence I’m left with so much love…
Unable to share with anyone!
For I have been judged…
Without one word being spoken…

Please don’t fear the way I am…
I only wish to make some friends…
I only wish to be your friend…

Turn their backs away…
Away…

Soliloquy II {Spoken}

Posted: September 7, 2015 in Poetry
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Intro: A very different take on the word Soliloquy. Was wondering if the prayers of a person ever get answered.
Or are we just screaming into the wind? As there may not be something or someone out there…
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All prayers should be…
The voice of a human…
Sounds of the Divine…

Try my best to understand…
The Divine plans…
Hour after hour…
Calling out Your Name in vain…
Still spend each night in prayer…

While the faithless ones point and laugh…
Claim me to be a fool…
And each day claim me to be the proof…
A clown who chooses to be duped…
By tales of Your greatness…

Pacing back and forth…
Asking the Lord why won’t you grant…
The demands of this penniless peasant man…
Your presence…
All Blank!
Reach me!?

Instead You seem to aggrieve me…
Over even the little good deeds…!
Of which I receive no peace…
Only brief fleeting moments of hope…
Shattered as soon as I get this close…

Feel abandoned by the Divine and fellow man…
The echo of love felt throughout…
Now an endless drought…
With no hope…
No choice…
But to shout…!

And receive no sound…
Only the signs that You don’t care…
Lost forever on my own…
While they all witness me fall…

Will to Survive

Posted: March 18, 2015 in Poetry
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Intro: An older one that still stays relevant to this day.

Waking up stressed…All my pain starts to crest…So much so I can’t address it anymore…I want to let it overflow…Drown my soul…
But my prose refuses to let me fall so low…
Trembling…Writing that fatal line…Instead, instills the will in me to fight…No matter how hard the struggle…I refuse to buckle…This will we all must have…Some have so little…For them we have to watch over…

Refuse to let them give up…No matter how rough or tough or stuck…or out of luck…Never ever give up…No matter how down you are…No matter how far you got to go…Keep the your will stowed…bound to your soul…Show that you can take the abuses and emerge stronger…Survive…Survive…

I’m no stranger to depression…Seems each night I engage in a solo session of wondering whether I should just give up…? Looking up and down, and around for some inspiration…
I’m always mired in misery…Maybe I should act out my Suicide Diaries…My twisted belief tells me that the world would be a better place with one less face defined as me…Those types of thoughts continue to plague me…But I know they products of pain that will one day go away…I have this unbreakable faith that guides me through the rain till it shines…No matter how many binds I’m bound in…I refuse to lose…I choose to win in the end…

The will to survive through all the trials in life is built up over time…Each day I strive to live the best way I can…So no matter how bad the day is, I take solace in knowing I gave it my all…I refuse to let myself fall victim to this harsh system of putdowns, ignored and left-behinds…Each line a write will continue to emphasize living life…through all storms that threaten to knock me and you off course…Stay strong…We’ll all reach that calm shore…

Silent Cries…?

Posted: June 8, 2014 in Poetry
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Each day I wake up with bare hope…
Hoping to complete one day without being scathed…
Or have the will to bear 8 more hours of pain…
School is Hell…
School is Hell…

Each ring of the bell…
School is Hell…
School is hell…

Each note spells…
School is Hell…
School is Hell…

Spellbound has become time…
Hands refuse to move…
Or they unwind…
To each piercing place and opine…
Make me relive each moment of mine..
Mind by all eyes…

Same look of sigh…
Disdain towards my whole life…
Make me go cry…
Some side locked mines…
Locked up inside…
Banged up by…

My so called friends…
Don’t they hear my cries…?
Or they see that smile…?
Good sport guy…

Pride in being so “kind”.
Use me for dime, dine, and lies…
Behind and in front of me…
These memories…

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