Posts Tagged ‘Loneliness’

Push Pull

Posted: June 19, 2018 in Poetry
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Always been told…
You’re there for me…
Whenever I need…
Yet so many times…
You take me on some ride…
Telling me this and that…
Only to go silent…
Stop…
Push me out…

Fall to the floor…
No map to get back to…
After giving so much time and energy for you…
Only made to be left alone…
In this biting cold…
Wandering….

Till I see this light…
Coming towards me…
I try to follow…
But stuck in my place…
Closer and closer…
Recognize that face…
Pulls me back in…

To share all the new and past pains…
For my words heal and help maintain…
Your resolve…
But at what cost to me…
Not knowing how long I’ll be party…
Before being parted with…
Pushed back to loneliness…

Intro: This continues the tale from before.
https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

The voices continue…

Prayers are supposed to solve all…
Yet here I am all alone…
Voice still so soft…
About to blow…
And give it all up…
These petals are all plucked…
Left flushed with all this lost love…
Their voices tell me it’s enough!!
Give up…

If not then give in…
And let the pain win…
They don’t care…
Fate don’t care..
What’s up there…
Ignores all your cries…
Prayers are all denied…
Now The spirits require sacrifice…
Pay the price…
That will set you free…
From all those needs…

The need for love…
The wish for happiness…
Give in…
These are your prayers answered…
Listen…
Voices speak…
Do the deed…

Mystical Prayers

Posted: October 20, 2017 in Poetry
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Feeling the spirits scream…
The voices proclaim…
That you are out of place…
You don’t fit amongst them…
Come back to us..

But how can I…?
I still have their desires…
Still need and want all…
Walls come closer…
With just one outlet…
One light…
Blinded by what’s just beyond…
Drawn…

Yet other spirits scream…
Tinged with a familiar voice…
Faint…
No not a voice…
Echos of past choices…
And what I’ve seen…
Read and dread what I may do tonight…

Who are you…?
Today I was all smiles…
But now those voices tell me…
Only one deed can set me free…
But what about them…?
Being different hurts…

But they don’t hate you…
But they don’t care too…
Pacing knowing no one loves me…
Praying…
Praying for what they have…
Praying one day I can stand…
And proclaim…
I belong…

Intro:
This is a reimagining of a previous writing: https://silentscholar.com/2014/10/26/choose-life-i/
This time with just one voice as often there is only one.
__

As I Balance the Scales…
Between Faith and Fate…
Which carries more weight…
At this time and place…
Trace back to this one face…

On my knees with a Holy Book in hand…
Wondering which verse and path…
Leads to a promised land…
But seems fate has other plans…
As my soul only knows days…
Filled with pain that dare me to break…
Beg and ask…
Where are you!?

Page by page I read…
Of miracles witnessed by Holy beings…
Whom I believe…
Each word leads me to dream…
Yet ends in another day breathing…
For no damn reason..!

Faith decreasing ever so…
So close to closing this book…
That took all my pain prayers…
Perhaps in vain…
As there is something strange…
When I turn each page…
Words will me to stay…
“Ar-Rahman”…
Blessed in so many ways…
Believe in better days…

Don’t let your life’s light dim…
Embrace it…
Keep it warm and shining for all times..
Recite line after line of tears & trials…
Even when no voice responds…
You have your own life’s story to hold onto…
The story of…
Finding my place…
Finding fate…
Through faith…

Intro: People can be so mean.
Why is that the cool ones talk about standing up for yourself? Not knowing or caring how hard a world can be forĀ  those who don’t fit in.

Is there dignity in being alone…?
I’ve become a pro at smiles…
Look at me…
See it…
Been practicing since my first memories…

Perhaps those terrible twos carried along…
So everyone sees only bad in me…
Every day I try to believe…
That brighter days will arrive…
Each night…
To the stroke of midnight…
Till Dawn…
I see what no others see…

Someone who wants to be my friend…
In fact more than one…
Can’t count with my own hands…
So happy…
So lucid…
Knowing this moment won’t last…

No one will know this dream…
As no one cares for me…
Back to being told I’m worthless…
Back to being broken daily…
But back tonight…
Must go back…
Smile again…

The Gaze

Posted: March 6, 2017 in Poetry
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Taught since so young…
To look the other way…
Look down…
Respect them the way people of faith should…
But growth in mind and spirit over time…
Leads one to wonder…
Can one smile?
Or can one???

Faith tells one…
Lower you gaze…
Look away…
But what of a smile…?
I mean no harm…
Never will go far…
Cross towards what’s wrong…
To worry her…
Hear my heart…
Just wants someone…
To be in rhythm…

But see there…
Perhaps you’ve went too far…
Not everyone falls in love…
At first lust sight…
But perhaps…
Not what you meant…
Yet can’t help but think….
That’s what been said…
Without one word…
The way you look at her…
Lust or love…

Be it lust….
I try to look away…
Try to suppress…
That carnal desire for sex…
Yet how can one do all the next steps…
Some skip ahead and violate her instead…
As if no one cared for consent…
Only egos get fed…

Or perhaps just an innocent smile…
To brighten ones day…
And be on my way…
Live life fully…
And let faith help find me…
What begins with a smile…
Maybe that’s what faith meant…
My method…

Observer

Posted: January 24, 2017 in Poetry
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The smiles…
Look into me…
Lovely life to live…
With one or by myself…
I see all that spells…
My life…
One…

The smiles…
Too good at that…
While watching time pass…
Kids grow past those old flirts…
Words now mean so much more…
Pour over what’s a crush…
While wondering what’s love…
All paths lead to one…

The smiles…
The congratulations…
Affirmation of love…
Pieced over time…
Parts aren’t so clear…
For I haven’t been as near…
But still proud to see all so happy…

The smiles…
They smile back…
Who doesn’t want to share their joy…
While I fade into dark corridors…
Travel back and forward…
Wondering how time…
And chance chose to pass me by…
And how life is now lived…

The smiles…
My one link to them all…
The nod…
Good luck to my friends…
I’ll be around…