As I approach this…
Note this Entrance…
Note this escape…
As I make my way through the halls..
Trying to time it just right…
Oh no…Door still closed…
Why has time slowed…?

First class hasn’t begun…
Now I’m wondering what can I do…
Doors and doors all locked…
Lunchroom is a no…
Library is still closed…
There’s still those clubs…
Yet can’t name a single one…
That I’m a part of…

That entrance can also be an escape…
But can’t leave just yet…
A full day of dread lies ahead…
Will I survive what’s next…

Here my body lays in repose…
The final chapter of mine closes…
Not draped with roses…bare naked…
Actually it an autopsy…
Months pass and nobody wants to claim my body…
I’m in the ethereal form now…
Steps from Hell…
Still looking down on my poor state…
This is what happens to one who loses faith…
Who loses friends…Who loses family…
Lost my sanity…
Naturally I was depressed…
So I regressed in all ways you can think…
Each night resorted to singing and writing out my pain…
Refrained from naming names of those who caused me so much pain…
Truth is I wouldn’t be able to explain…
In the end I’d still deserve all the blame…
Either way…
Nobody would come to my funeral…

The time for claiming me has expired…
Long after I expired…Coroner, all the heads getting tired…
Before they retire for the night…
Sign the sheet…
checking off where I will be buried…
An unmarked grave…
So sad they didn’t even know my name…
I shout who I am..!
But I’m a ghost…
My voice carries no force…
So Sad…So Sad…

I’m left here to reflect on how I became a reject…
I have no answers!
Only slurry banter now fills my mind…
How did time just pass me by…?
Why did I not realize I was losing my soul before it was too late..?
Why didn’t I keep my faith!?
Why am I in such a sad state!?
Why won’t any one…anyone visit me?
Why won’t anyone even say goodbye?
Am I not worth even that simple act of kindness?

It’s the final call…
I’m being wheeled down the hall in a makeshift casket…
None of the masses want to see me…
They taking me to get buried…
I scream: “Please!”
“Someone please talk to me!?”
“Please someone visit me!”
“Don’t let my last seconds on this earth be lonely…”
“I only ask for one person…just one”

It was no point…
Nobody liked me…Nobody remembered me…
Everybody left me all alone…
They let me slip away…
I also let myself slip away into the dark abode…
If only they’d know just how sad I really was…
But I guess it was never meant to be…

I try to hold onto my body…
As they lower me down…
Never to be seen again…
I look into the distance…in the shadows of night…
Hoping for someone to rush to say goodbye…
Nobody…Nobody says goodbye…Nobody came…
Silent Funeral…

Intro: The story comes to an end.

Previous Chapters…

Mystical Prayers I – https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

Mystical Prayers II – https://silentscholar.com/2018/03/27/mystical-prayers-ii/

Mystical Prayers III – https://silentscholar.com/2018/11/15/mystical-prayers-iii/

Mystical Prayers IV – https://silentscholar.com/2019/08/17/mystical-prayers-iv/

Mystical Prayers V – https://silentscholar.com/2019/10/01/mystical-prayers-v/

Mystical Prayers VI – https://silentscholar.com/2020/06/27/mystical-prayers-vi/

Dear Friend…
I’ve been told…
It is time…
To let go…

I still can’t believe…
How we got here…
Every word left behind…
Stings so many times…
We failed you…
I failed you…

Perhaps my friend…
Wanted it this way…
An end to all the pain…
But was this the path to take…?

I too want an end to this pain…
Each day I pray and hear silence…
I too have tools to do the deed…
And meet you my friend…

One day I will see you again…
I don’t know when…
But this world isn’t for me either…

Be it in class…
Be the joke…

Keep the bullies at bay…
While the insides burn away…
Only to be bandaged back at home…
But raised bumps and scabs take their toll…
Each reminds me of a memory…

So close to making those friends…
40 minutes of making fun…
All at my expense…
Only to see what they really meant…
See them walk away at a pace…
That lets me know my place…
Left with big smile on my face…
Until I turn away…
Just another day…

There lies the punchline…
All they see is this smile…
Not what I feel inside…
How each night I cry…
Bandaged but still in so much pain…
Calling out for someone to care…
How much more of this pain must I bare…?
Hear another knock…
Must be a parent or sibling…
Must maintain some semblance of being fine…
So I smile…

I’ll continue to smile…
As they continue to laugh…
For as long as I can…

Intro: A continuation of the story…

Previous Chapters…

Mystical Prayers I – https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

Mystical Prayers II – https://silentscholar.com/2018/03/27/mystical-prayers-ii/

Mystical Prayers III – https://silentscholar.com/2018/11/15/mystical-prayers-iii/

Mystical Prayers IV – https://silentscholar.com/2019/08/17/mystical-prayers-iv/

Mystical Prayers V – https://silentscholar.com/2019/10/01/mystical-prayers-v/

I was told…
There exists a place…
Where souls wait…
As a Higher Being decides…
When it’s time…
Find some reason to live or die…

I only ask…
Hear my pleas…
Please intercede for me…
For two lives will be lost…
If you take this one…
Who means the whole world to me…

Yet the signs are so clear…
Tests all reveal…
Let go…

 

Hear that ring…
Another day to feel like this…
Witness these fleeting things…
Flings…fuss…
Cus…stuck…
While all around watch…
Should I go in…

I take a peek…
Notice no seats saved for me…
In fact I can see each seat…
Engraved with a name…
Wondering when I’ll earn that same fame…
A simple Hey!
Over here…
We saved you a seat…

Teacher asks..
Are you going in?
One minute until the bell rings…
I nod…
I smile…
Run away…
Back to my safe space…
Where things are ok…

Where I can at least dream…
Among all these stories…
Hungry for happiness..

Seeds

Posted: February 16, 2020 in Mantras
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Seeds sown in hopes of slow sustained growth produce the best tasting fruit…

In Need

Posted: November 13, 2019 in Poetry
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

In need of…

I need happiness…
I need happiness…

I need a reason…
I need a reason…

This chapter of life…
So full of strife…
All wrapped up tight…
With no hope in sight…

Only a distant past…
Melded with stories that clasp…
Their memories…
But alas I was not present…
Only observing…

Yet yearning for their happiness…
Their smiles so bright…
While mines hides…
Behind my own smile…

My own making…
My own statements…
Sing with me…
I need happiness…

Intro: A continuation of the story…

Previous Chapters…

Mystical Prayers I – https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

Mystical Prayers II – https://silentscholar.com/2018/03/27/mystical-prayers-ii/

Mystical Prayers III – https://silentscholar.com/2018/11/15/mystical-prayers-iii/

Mystical Prayers IV – https://silentscholar.com/2019/08/17/mystical-prayers-iv/

It’s time…
Time to decide…
Which phase of life…
While all this time…
I’ll wonder why…

I have so much to ask…
But you won’t hear me…
Only leave me to read…
All this misery…

Written in code…
This isn’t who I knew…
Know…
I mean know…
Can’t say it’s over…

Hands clasped…
With eyes up to the sky…
Whether life lies here or beyond…
Know that I’ll be by your side…

Must remain full of faith…
Please Lord let me just say…
Let my friend breathe again…

Intro: A continuation of the story…

Mystical Prayers I – https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

Mystical Prayers II – https://silentscholar.com/2018/03/27/mystical-prayers-ii/

Mystical Prayers III – https://silentscholar.com/2018/11/15/mystical-prayers-iii/

Please breathe…
I beg you please…
Between III and IV…
A story so foretold…
Through this very last note..


“To all around me”

I just couldn’t do it anymore…
I couldn’t live. knowing no one cares…
Not you (private)…
You (private)…
You (private)…
or You (private)…
Ignored by all…
From the skies to the ground…
No sounds…
My prayers went unanswered…
While all around I see happiness…
Where is my happily ever after…?

Who wrote this story…
Me beginning to end…
Filled with nothing…
Nothing to show…
No one to show…
Nothing more to know…
Goodbye all…

Yet you still breathe…
Some spirit within me…
Still believes…
Feel my pulse…
It beats for you…
Do not leave…

How could I have not seen…
How you’ve struggled so greatly…
I ask You…
Oh Higher Power…
Why didn’t you give me a sign!?
To see this struggle in plain sight!
I can’t bear to see you die..
You are worth the world…
Please believe…
Please pray…