Posts Tagged ‘Hope’

“First Chance”

How many times can I try…
Living a lifetime of lies…
Young and in love…
Let me go back…
And remember my crush…

What was once barely an exchange…
Boys and girls still had cooties…
Remembering just how unruly I could be…
Wild and untamed….
But as we age…
Thoughts begin to change…

What was the daze of childhood…
Gave way to fog…
Pushed through and saw…
What a beautiful face…
Beautiful Name…
That got me to calm down ever so briefly…
A raucous teen with hints of that intensity…

Fate would have us go our separate ways…
Until a chance run in this beautiful city…
So sure we were we…
A small hello chat and disappear…
Led to more chats and my very first chance…

Yes we were something…
But I was something different…
Perhaps deficient…
My lack of meaningful friendships and clinginess…
Made for a toxic mix with your head-strongedness…
So I said the four letter word…
Along with a showering of gifts…
Only to frighten you away…

But things didn’t end there…
I couldn’t stay away…
Some of my saddest tendencies gave way…
Kept reaching out…
Couldn’t shut my mouth or mind…
And move on…
So you took the effort and I eventually obliged…
And life moved on…

“Second Chance”

Or so I thought it did…
Only to be made aware…
A faint hope…
Brought forth through an old friend…
My name being mentioned with yours again…
And just like that…
Happiness…

I still remember dreaming so intense…
On how I’d achieve all this fame…
Only to thank you in front of the whole world…
Let them know just how much you were owed..
All my life history…
But none of this was written yet…
Only thoughts in my head…
Bear witness world here’s my second chance…

However I had one big test…
A meeting with your parents…
Which one of them…
The mysteries of life…
And so I tried…
Tell my life story…
All my desires…
Testify my truths…
Perhaps with some demons too…

But your loving parents refused…
And I became reduced…
To that young kid again…
With no one to tell…
Other than myself…
Cry and Cry…
Eventually realizing I can move on…

“Third Chance”

And life continued…
School and work and play…
But no new relations…
Ever so patient…
Waiting for fate…
To guide my life…
Or cast my dreams aside…
Content with being me…
Intensity…

However fate with all its mysteries…
Would test me once again…
A chance reconnection…
With one who knew you and me so well…
Begged me to tell it all…
So they could hear my case…
Once again blinded by faith…
Promised to pass on my words…

As I waited for you to respond…
My thoughts begun to swarm…
With warm notes and quotes…
Smile with me I say…
As I prepare for this day…
My last chance…
To see you face to face…

As we lock eyes…
Still perfect to me…
My mind says…
Yet I notice how you look away…
And hesitate to say…
What I know you wish to say…
Please say it to me…
Please give me peace…
Even through grief…

The irony of it all…
Pity the fool who dared thought…
That there could be more…
Left and back to the start…
Chances waned and lost…
All left is a shard…
With cuts and carves and parts…
No one will ever know…
Who we are…
Who we were..
I carry on…

Fading Red {Positive}

Posted: September 6, 2021 in Poetry
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Never thought it could be…
When you arrived…
What a sight…

Tried to lower my gaze…
And look away…
Hide my smile…
My own style…
While emotions pile…

Build to this moment…
But I couldn’t…
Instead you did…

And so began this chapter…
As our stories had long been underway…
Flip back and forth the pages…
To witness it all again…
With a new lens…
And love in hand…

Hand in hand…
Watch this sunset…
Fading red…

Two Birds

Posted: July 20, 2021 in Poetry
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I have seen it…
The way they dance…
Then make haste…
When eyes like mines intrude…
Into their space…

If they allow me just once…
Only once I wish to witness…
What love is…
Between two…
Even if instinct only rules…
Can it be any less real…?
While observing two birds…
All the same…

Intro: The story comes to an end.

Previous Chapters…

Mystical Prayers I – https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

Mystical Prayers II – https://silentscholar.com/2018/03/27/mystical-prayers-ii/

Mystical Prayers III – https://silentscholar.com/2018/11/15/mystical-prayers-iii/

Mystical Prayers IV – https://silentscholar.com/2019/08/17/mystical-prayers-iv/

Mystical Prayers V – https://silentscholar.com/2019/10/01/mystical-prayers-v/

Mystical Prayers VI – https://silentscholar.com/2020/06/27/mystical-prayers-vi/

Dear Friend…
I’ve been told…
It is time…
To let go…

I still can’t believe…
How we got here…
Every word left behind…
Stings so many times…
We failed you…
I failed you…

Perhaps my friend…
Wanted it this way…
An end to all the pain…
But was this the path to take…?

I too want an end to this pain…
Each day I pray and hear silence…
I too have tools to do the deed…
And meet you my friend…

One day I will see you again…
I don’t know when…
But this world isn’t for me either…

Intro: A continuation of the story…

Previous Chapters…

Mystical Prayers I – https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

Mystical Prayers II – https://silentscholar.com/2018/03/27/mystical-prayers-ii/

Mystical Prayers III – https://silentscholar.com/2018/11/15/mystical-prayers-iii/

Mystical Prayers IV – https://silentscholar.com/2019/08/17/mystical-prayers-iv/

Mystical Prayers V – https://silentscholar.com/2019/10/01/mystical-prayers-v/

I was told…
There exists a place…
Where souls wait…
As a Higher Being decides…
When it’s time…
Find some reason to live or die…

I only ask…
Hear my pleas…
Please intercede for me…
For two lives will be lost…
If you take this one…
Who means the whole world to me…

Yet the signs are so clear…
Tests all reveal…
Let go…

 

Intro: A continuation of the story…

Previous Chapters…

Mystical Prayers I – https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

Mystical Prayers II – https://silentscholar.com/2018/03/27/mystical-prayers-ii/

Mystical Prayers III – https://silentscholar.com/2018/11/15/mystical-prayers-iii/

Mystical Prayers IV – https://silentscholar.com/2019/08/17/mystical-prayers-iv/

It’s time…
Time to decide…
Which phase of life…
While all this time…
I’ll wonder why…

I have so much to ask…
But you won’t hear me…
Only leave me to read…
All this misery…

Written in code…
This isn’t who I knew…
Know…
I mean know…
Can’t say it’s over…

Hands clasped…
With eyes up to the sky…
Whether life lies here or beyond…
Know that I’ll be by your side…

Must remain full of faith…
Please Lord let me just say…
Let my friend breathe again…

Intro: A continuation of the story…

Mystical Prayers I – https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

Mystical Prayers II – https://silentscholar.com/2018/03/27/mystical-prayers-ii/

Mystical Prayers III – https://silentscholar.com/2018/11/15/mystical-prayers-iii/

Please breathe…
I beg you please…
Between III and IV…
A story so foretold…
Through this very last note..


“To all around me”

I just couldn’t do it anymore…
I couldn’t live. knowing no one cares…
Not you (private)…
You (private)…
You (private)…
or You (private)…
Ignored by all…
From the skies to the ground…
No sounds…
My prayers went unanswered…
While all around I see happiness…
Where is my happily ever after…?

Who wrote this story…
Me beginning to end…
Filled with nothing…
Nothing to show…
No one to show…
Nothing more to know…
Goodbye all…

Yet you still breathe…
Some spirit within me…
Still believes…
Feel my pulse…
It beats for you…
Do not leave…

How could I have not seen…
How you’ve struggled so greatly…
I ask You…
Oh Higher Power…
Why didn’t you give me a sign!?
To see this struggle in plain sight!
I can’t bear to see you die..
You are worth the world…
Please believe…
Please pray…

How do you justify taking a life?

On trial…
Where we commodify her right to be and she…
Indeed no one cares when that zygote sans sperm expels…
Oh do tell her how you care…
As you watch her bear the costs for being she…

They don’t look twice…
They never do…
Why the need…?
So many people better than me…

Yet here I am hoping I’ll be seen…
See what I see…
What I believe…
That I can be…
Loved unconditionally…

But what has passed…
Before I’m given my chance…
Past piece of romance…
Lost but that’s because I’m the best…
Or really because I’m all that is left…

Intro: A continuation of the story…

Mystical Prayers I – https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

Mystical Prayers II – https://silentscholar.com/2018/03/27/mystical-prayers-ii/

 

This day…
This day…
Finally…
The voices are so clear…
Heart is so full of fear…
Couple dozen years…
Replay so near…
Cold metallic object…
Pressed on my skin…
Wondering what will happen…
If I chose to do the deed…
Voices plead…
Yes!
No!
Yes!
No!

Torn between those two sounds…
Torn between two beams of light…
One with a dark hue…
While the other burns so bright…
What path shall I choose…?

I don’t know!
Fall to my knees…
Begging someone…
Something…
Please answer me!

Faith tells me You are the One…
Yet here I am…
Hearing nothing as I call out…
Why am I even me…?
Don’t understand why I even came to be…
Why couldn’t you just silence me…?
That day when I first cried…
Now it’s this day…