Posts Tagged ‘Sadness’

Be it in class…
Be the joke…

Keep the bullies at bay…
While the insides burn away…
Only to be bandaged back at home…
But raised bumps and scabs take their toll…
Each reminds me of a memory…

So close to making those friends…
40 minutes of making fun…
All at my expense…
Only to see what they really meant…
See them walk away at a pace…
That lets me know my place…
Left with big smile on my face…
Until I turn away…
Just another day…

There lies the punchline…
All they see is this smile…
Not what I feel inside…
How each night I cry…
Bandaged but still in so much pain…
Calling out for someone to care…
How much more of this pain must I bare…?
Hear another knock…
Must be a parent or sibling…
Must maintain some semblance of being fine…
So I smile…

I’ll continue to smile…
As they continue to laugh…
For as long as I can…

Intro: A continuation of the story…

Previous Chapters…

Mystical Prayers I – https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

Mystical Prayers II – https://silentscholar.com/2018/03/27/mystical-prayers-ii/

Mystical Prayers III – https://silentscholar.com/2018/11/15/mystical-prayers-iii/

Mystical Prayers IV – https://silentscholar.com/2019/08/17/mystical-prayers-iv/

Mystical Prayers V – https://silentscholar.com/2019/10/01/mystical-prayers-v/

I was told…
There exists a place…
Where souls wait…
As a Higher Being decides…
When it’s time…
Find some reason to live or die…

I only ask…
Hear my pleas…
Please intercede for me…
For two lives will be lost…
If you take this one…
Who means the whole world to me…

Yet the signs are so clear…
Tests all reveal…
Let go…

 

Hear that ring…
Another day to feel like this…
Witness these fleeting things…
Flings…fuss…
Cus…stuck…
While all around watch…
Should I go in…

I take a peek…
Notice no seats saved for me…
In fact I can see each seat…
Engraved with a name…
Wondering when I’ll earn that same fame…
A simple Hey!
Over here…
We saved you a seat…

Teacher asks..
Are you going in?
One minute until the bell rings…
I nod…
I smile…
Run away…
Back to my safe space…
Where things are ok…

Where I can at least dream…
Among all these stories…
Hungry for happiness..

In Need

Posted: November 13, 2019 in Poetry
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

In need of…

I need happiness…
I need happiness…

I need a reason…
I need a reason…

This chapter of life…
So full of strife…
All wrapped up tight…
With no hope in sight…

Only a distant past…
Melded with stories that clasp…
Their memories…
But alas I was not present…
Only observing…

Yet yearning for their happiness…
Their smiles so bright…
While mines hides…
Behind my own smile…

My own making…
My own statements…
Sing with me…
I need happiness…

Intro: A continuation of the story…

Previous Chapters…

Mystical Prayers I – https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

Mystical Prayers II – https://silentscholar.com/2018/03/27/mystical-prayers-ii/

Mystical Prayers III – https://silentscholar.com/2018/11/15/mystical-prayers-iii/

Mystical Prayers IV – https://silentscholar.com/2019/08/17/mystical-prayers-iv/

It’s time…
Time to decide…
Which phase of life…
While all this time…
I’ll wonder why…

I have so much to ask…
But you won’t hear me…
Only leave me to read…
All this misery…

Written in code…
This isn’t who I knew…
Know…
I mean know…
Can’t say it’s over…

Hands clasped…
With eyes up to the sky…
Whether life lies here or beyond…
Know that I’ll be by your side…

Must remain full of faith…
Please Lord let me just say…
Let my friend breathe again…

Intro: A continuation of the story…

Mystical Prayers I – https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

Mystical Prayers II – https://silentscholar.com/2018/03/27/mystical-prayers-ii/

Mystical Prayers III – https://silentscholar.com/2018/11/15/mystical-prayers-iii/

Please breathe…
I beg you please…
Between III and IV…
A story so foretold…
Through this very last note..


“To all around me”

I just couldn’t do it anymore…
I couldn’t live. knowing no one cares…
Not you (private)…
You (private)…
You (private)…
or You (private)…
Ignored by all…
From the skies to the ground…
No sounds…
My prayers went unanswered…
While all around I see happiness…
Where is my happily ever after…?

Who wrote this story…
Me beginning to end…
Filled with nothing…
Nothing to show…
No one to show…
Nothing more to know…
Goodbye all…

Yet you still breathe…
Some spirit within me…
Still believes…
Feel my pulse…
It beats for you…
Do not leave…

How could I have not seen…
How you’ve struggled so greatly…
I ask You…
Oh Higher Power…
Why didn’t you give me a sign!?
To see this struggle in plain sight!
I can’t bear to see you die..
You are worth the world…
Please believe…
Please pray…

Intro: A continuation of the story…

Mystical Prayers I – https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

Mystical Prayers II – https://silentscholar.com/2018/03/27/mystical-prayers-ii/

 

This day…
This day…
Finally…
The voices are so clear…
Heart is so full of fear…
Couple dozen years…
Replay so near…
Cold metallic object…
Pressed on my skin…
Wondering what will happen…
If I chose to do the deed…
Voices plead…
Yes!
No!
Yes!
No!

Torn between those two sounds…
Torn between two beams of light…
One with a dark hue…
While the other burns so bright…
What path shall I choose…?

I don’t know!
Fall to my knees…
Begging someone…
Something…
Please answer me!

Faith tells me You are the One…
Yet here I am…
Hearing nothing as I call out…
Why am I even me…?
Don’t understand why I even came to be…
Why couldn’t you just silence me…?
That day when I first cried…
Now it’s this day…

I see heavy rains…
In these puddles I see…
Reflections of my misery…
Yet in the background…
The frowns…
Ever so present…
Ever so resound…
Take much of my days…

Till this day…
All seems strange…
All of a sudden rains go away…
But puddles remain…
Past pieces of memories…
Palm deep and dirty to the touch…
But for once…
The reflections change…
I see smiles…
I see love…

Push Pull

Posted: June 19, 2018 in Poetry
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Always been told…
You’re there for me…
Whenever I need…
Yet so many times…
You take me on some ride…
Telling me this and that…
Only to go silent…
Stop…
Push me out…

Fall to the floor…
No map to get back to…
After giving so much time and energy for you…
Only made to be left alone…
In this biting cold…
Wandering….

Till I see this light…
Coming towards me…
I try to follow…
But stuck in my place…
Closer and closer…
Recognize that face…
Pulls me back in…

To share all the new and past pains…
For my words heal and help maintain…
Your resolve…
But at what cost to me…
Not knowing how long I’ll be party…
Before being parted with…
Pushed back to loneliness…

Intro: This continues the tale from before.
https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

The voices continue…

Prayers are supposed to solve all…
Yet here I am all alone…
Voice still so soft…
About to blow…
And give it all up…
These petals are all plucked…
Left flushed with all this lost love…
Their voices tell me it’s enough!!
Give up…

If not then give in…
And let the pain win…
They don’t care…
Fate don’t care..
What’s up there…
Ignores all your cries…
Prayers are all denied…
Now The spirits require sacrifice…
Pay the price…
That will set you free…
From all those needs…

The need for love…
The wish for happiness…
Give in…
These are your prayers answered…
Listen…
Voices speak…
Do the deed…