Posts Tagged ‘Sadness’

Push Pull

Posted: June 19, 2018 in Poetry
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Always been told…
You’re there for me…
Whenever I need…
Yet so many times…
You take me on some ride…
Telling me this and that…
Only to go silent…
Stop…
Push me out…

Fall to the floor…
No map to get back to…
After giving so much time and energy for you…
Only made to be left alone…
In this biting cold…
Wandering….

Till I see this light…
Coming towards me…
I try to follow…
But stuck in my place…
Closer and closer…
Recognize that face…
Pulls me back in…

To share all the new and past pains…
For my words heal and help maintain…
Your resolve…
But at what cost to me…
Not knowing how long I’ll be party…
Before being parted with…
Pushed back to loneliness…

Intro: This continues the tale from before.
https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

The voices continue…

Prayers are supposed to solve all…
Yet here I am all alone…
Voice still so soft…
About to blow…
And give it all up…
These petals are all plucked…
Left flushed with all this lost love…
Their voices tell me it’s enough!!
Give up…

If not then give in…
And let the pain win…
They don’t care…
Fate don’t care..
What’s up there…
Ignores all your cries…
Prayers are all denied…
Now The spirits require sacrifice…
Pay the price…
That will set you free…
From all those needs…

The need for love…
The wish for happiness…
Give in…
These are your prayers answered…
Listen…
Voices speak…
Do the deed…

Mystical Prayers

Posted: October 20, 2017 in Poetry
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Feeling the spirits scream…
The voices proclaim…
That you are out of place…
You don’t fit amongst them…
Come back to us..

But how can I…?
I still have their desires…
Still need and want all…
Walls come closer…
With just one outlet…
One light…
Blinded by what’s just beyond…
Drawn…

Yet other spirits scream…
Tinged with a familiar voice…
Faint…
No not a voice…
Echos of past choices…
And what I’ve seen…
Read and dread what I may do tonight…

Who are you…?
Today I was all smiles…
But now those voices tell me…
Only one deed can set me free…
But what about them…?
Being different hurts…

But they don’t hate you…
But they don’t care too…
Pacing knowing no one loves me…
Praying…
Praying for what they have…
Praying one day I can stand…
And proclaim…
I belong…

Intro:
This is a reimagining of a previous writing: https://silentscholar.com/2014/10/26/choose-life-i/
This time with just one voice as often there is only one.
__

As I Balance the Scales…
Between Faith and Fate…
Which carries more weight…
At this time and place…
Trace back to this one face…

On my knees with a Holy Book in hand…
Wondering which verse and path…
Leads to a promised land…
But seems fate has other plans…
As my soul only knows days…
Filled with pain that dare me to break…
Beg and ask…
Where are you!?

Page by page I read…
Of miracles witnessed by Holy beings…
Whom I believe…
Each word leads me to dream…
Yet ends in another day breathing…
For no damn reason..!

Faith decreasing ever so…
So close to closing this book…
That took all my pain prayers…
Perhaps in vain…
As there is something strange…
When I turn each page…
Words will me to stay…
“Ar-Rahman”…
Blessed in so many ways…
Believe in better days…

Don’t let your life’s light dim…
Embrace it…
Keep it warm and shining for all times..
Recite line after line of tears & trials…
Even when no voice responds…
You have your own life’s story to hold onto…
The story of…
Finding my place…
Finding fate…
Through faith…

Intro: People can be so mean.
Why is that the cool ones talk about standing up for yourself? Not knowing or caring how hard a world can be for  those who don’t fit in.

Is there dignity in being alone…?
I’ve become a pro at smiles…
Look at me…
See it…
Been practicing since my first memories…

Perhaps those terrible twos carried along…
So everyone sees only bad in me…
Every day I try to believe…
That brighter days will arrive…
Each night…
To the stroke of midnight…
Till Dawn…
I see what no others see…

Someone who wants to be my friend…
In fact more than one…
Can’t count with my own hands…
So happy…
So lucid…
Knowing this moment won’t last…

No one will know this dream…
As no one cares for me…
Back to being told I’m worthless…
Back to being broken daily…
But back tonight…
Must go back…
Smile again…

Intro: I’ve written about bullying in the past. It’s something I’m not sure I have experienced. However hearing the stories of misery and the lack of care hurts a great deal. The cries for help are often discarded and ignored. Often the outcasts are or those who look “different” from others are treated terribly. An exploration into thoughts and stories…

Reality bites…
Especially when light is nonexistent…
Only darkness and its pervasive persistence…
How is it possible for darkness to carry no mass…
Yet weigh me down so fast…
For when this young fledgling tries to fly…
Society shuns and denies…
You are not among us…
Stay small…
Clip your wings…
Fall back to where you belong…

In the shadows…
Plastered upon the wall of memories…
Pieces of misery after miseries…
The mysteries of a being who tried…
But society decided otherwise…
Sold a set of lies…
That I believe so strongly…

Hand pressed so hard on my heart…
Hoping they would change…
Give me that one break…
To prove I belong among them…
In the sky…

Winged flight…
Only to be ensnared…
Thrown back to reality…
Without care…
Know your place…
A pain too heavy to bear…
The darkness…

I Wish…

Posted: October 7, 2016 in Poetry
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All of us hope…
Hope and there she was…
Hurt by someone she loved…
Hurt so hard…
Left torn apart…
Yet still drawn…
The strings of time remain strong…
The theory of progression…
The healing of wounds…
All seemed so true…

For just a moment…
I could see what my heart dreams…
A field of green where we would dance…
Amongst the stars…
But now awake and alarmed…
As she’s still drawn…
While by my side…
All those words…
Now the cries…
Make me wonder what will be…

Yet I still dream…
I still see hope in those same eyes…
But perhaps I’m being blind…
But maybe she’ll see me as the light…
To help guide her through these trials…
Or maybe just ride these waves…
Just imagine if I choose to wait…

So I still stay…
Yet each passing day yields more pain…
Wondering what will be…
Till today…
When I help set her free…
Just need a little bit of sweet…
And little bit of love…
A little bit of verse…
Spiritual sonnets…
Surely we will bond…

{spoken}
Dearest one…
We’ve been together for so long…
I feel that we can be even more…
Remember all the good times we had…
All the good times we still have…
Beyond friendship…
Beyond love…
Wish for something more…
Can we be more…?

____

As he gets down on one knee…
The pain and love from her past…
Comes back and stings…
She can’t help but think there’s more…
Hidden from his eyes…
Only she can see…
She turns away…
Leaves…
As he’s left in pain…
Wondering who’s to blame…?

Intro: The Final chapter to this. The first part of this chapter was actually written a few years back as part of

Chapter II, but I decided to incorporate it into this final chapter. It’s a sort of resolution to all that has

happened. I’ve also learned that I need to work more on my writing skills and hope to develop them in the future

Previous Chapters:

Chapter I – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/15/once-upon-a-time-chapter-i/

Chapter II – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/22/chapter-ii-a-sisters-faith/

Chapter III – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/28/chapter-iii-confliction/

Chapter IV – https://silentscholar.com/2016/05/17/chapter-iv-violations/

Chapter V – https://silentscholar.com/2016/05/21/chapter-v-transfigurations/

Chapter VI – https://silentscholar.com/2016/06/05/chapter-vi-destiny/

There she is…
And this aura of light…
Hearken back to all she hides…
As I get closer…
Wondering why she cries….
Her eyes are never dry…
Till I realize her life has so many times been hurt by the one who’s supposed to love her…
Abused by her father…Sold out to the crowd for pleasure…
For debts had to be paid…And her brother committed the unforgivable sin …
She’s left with just this…
But where is he…?
Where is he…?

That shadowy place…
Where no one dares…
Destiny of the damned…
“I must ask…”
“Your father too?”
“He tried to change in the end…”
“But forgiveness is a hard thing…”
“Perhaps some day…”
“Where is your mom?”

As her tears begin to flow more freely…
As if I just opened a deep wound…
As I’m not ready for her truth…
And my connection to her and all…
She points to the sky and recalls…
How a family once had very little, but had each other…
Lived day by day…
Until one of those days…
Those trails…
Signs of another…
Her mother had been judged…
By men who had never even known her..
Not that she was in the wrong…
But just worth nothing at all!
Collateral!

I’m just as guilty…
Just as much as those men…
Just as much as her father…
Just as much as her son…
Just as much as them all…
Part of the machine…
That took her away…
Turn away my face held down in dismay…

Imagine this story…
One of a kind in sense that each life is worth living…
But this happens far too often…
We are all victims…

Intro: The penultimate chapter to this experiment of writing a short story. I have much to learn and hopefully will develop more a writer.

Previous Chapters:

Chapter I – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/15/once-upon-a-time-chapter-i/

Chapter II – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/22/chapter-ii-a-sisters-faith/

Chapter III – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/28/chapter-iii-confliction/

Chapter IV – https://silentscholar.com/2016/05/17/chapter-iv-violations/

Chapter V- https://silentscholar.com/2016/05/21/chapter-v-transfigurations/

 
Imagine the story of child…
A boy…
Who grew up with the worst of pains…
But fought back and broke through the chains…
Only to now become enslaved…
To a form of a righteous faith now full of disdain…
Towards those with different names…
Different faces…

There he goes…
Heads to this crowded place…
Takes one look and shrugs a bit..
But remembers his training…
His faith…And the promised space…
An audience with the King…
Forever changed…

Also remembers those very faint memories…
Of a mother, father, sister…
Remembers those smiles…
Through all those past trials she smiled each night…
To put him at ease and so begins those last pleas…
As similar mothers and boys and girls surround…
He chooses to drown them out with recitations…
Painted face of piety…

No more time to waste…
As passerbys wonder why he shakes…
Until one notices his plans…
And acts…!
He does too…
And so goes it all…
That last bit of sound…
That last bit of doubt…
Gone…
Along with so many more…
Another sad episode…
Closes with the pain of many more…

Intro: Decision have been made. Forever changed. This chapter marked my return to trying to finish this story. Seeing how Chapter IV ended made it very difficult to get back, but managed to do so..

Previous Chapters:

Chapter I – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/15/once-upon-a-time-chapter-i/

Chapter II – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/22/chapter-ii-a-sisters-faith/

Chapter III – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/28/chapter-iii-confliction/

Chapter IV – https://silentscholar.com/2016/05/17/chapter-iv-violations/

Little boy wakes up to a bright summer day…Remembers all the past trials And plays…
One more time with neighborhood kids…
One more time just in case he’s been missed…
All the young ones look up this bright shining figment of the sun…
If only one of them could see what he has truly become…
Never before seen…
Now to be known…
Retells those great tales…
A preview for the final show…
Hugs each one a final time…
And bids a peace…

For he is now at peace…
But a small piece inside speaks…
A gut feeling…
Tells him…”You are being led the wrong way”
Silence…Silence…Silence…
Fist gripped towards the heart…
Towards the mind…
All twisted inside…
“Why can’t they abide by the Divine!”
“Tell me oh wise soul!?”
“Tell me God!”

As he shouts to the sky…
The very sky that used to burden his family’s life…
But now things have changed…
Family…
Visits his proud father again…
To receive his blessings…
Proud father is torn too…
For the costs he had to pay…
To give his family that one break…
Only to see fate break his wife and daughter away…
How much more can one take…?
“She’s guilty!”
His cold faced son says…
Father shrugs away to a shelf that had that last piece…
“This is your family!”
“You have changed!”
“Then you will burn!”
Son leaves ever more burned…
Yet ever more determined…

Walks by that place…
Where he once heard her screams…
“She was wrong and deserved all”
Tries to make sense of all these…
While this piece inside pleads…
“All is not yet lost…”
But he tries to continue on…
Slowly but surely the path of destiny awaits…
Be cleansed of all the pains…
Make this world a better place…
Face to face with destiny…
Forever changed…