Posts Tagged ‘Bullying’

Intro: People can be so mean.
Why is that the cool ones talk about standing up for yourself? Not knowing or caring how hard a world can be for  those who don’t fit in.

Is there dignity in being alone…?
I’ve become a pro at smiles…
Look at me…
See it…
Been practicing since my first memories…

Perhaps those terrible twos carried along…
So everyone sees only bad in me…
Every day I try to believe…
That brighter days will arrive…
Each night…
To the stroke of midnight…
Till Dawn…
I see what no others see…

Someone who wants to be my friend…
In fact more than one…
Can’t count with my own hands…
So happy…
So lucid…
Knowing this moment won’t last…

No one will know this dream…
As no one cares for me…
Back to being told I’m worthless…
Back to being broken daily…
But back tonight…
Must go back…
Smile again…

Intro: I’ve written about bullying in the past. It’s something I’m not sure I have experienced. However hearing the stories of misery and the lack of care hurts a great deal. The cries for help are often discarded and ignored. Often the outcasts are or those who look “different” from others are treated terribly. An exploration into thoughts and stories…

Reality bites…
Especially when light is nonexistent…
Only darkness and its pervasive persistence…
How is it possible for darkness to carry no mass…
Yet weigh me down so fast…
For when this young fledgling tries to fly…
Society shuns and denies…
You are not among us…
Stay small…
Clip your wings…
Fall back to where you belong…

In the shadows…
Plastered upon the wall of memories…
Pieces of misery after miseries…
The mysteries of a being who tried…
But society decided otherwise…
Sold a set of lies…
That I believe so strongly…

Hand pressed so hard on my heart…
Hoping they would change…
Give me that one break…
To prove I belong among them…
In the sky…

Winged flight…
Only to be ensnared…
Thrown back to reality…
Without care…
Know your place…
A pain too heavy to bear…
The darkness…

Intro: Original title comes from the Tears of a Clown: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tears_of_a_Clown. Although I originally discovered it from a Tupac Shakur song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyRyGUjsik4

This song addresses the many times when one processes things differently than the norm. When anxiety, bullying, personality go to a dark place.

Another day…
Time for never ending laughs that last all the time I’m around….
Nothing but a clown is all they see…So they proceed to treat me as they please…
Ignoring my silent pleas for them to stop…
But all they see is a smile that begs to be fed more dread…
They believe I can handle it…
So I’m hit…Again and again…
Each insult is responded with a smile…
But it’s all for fun…?
So why should I take it so hard….
So hard…So hard…
I invited it all…

Another day…
I wonder why I even lift my head…?
I wonder why I even get up off bed…?
This life I’ve led borders on worthlessness…
I get no respect…
How about getting a speck of sympathy…?
Or will this life I lead be stuck on a trek towards something so low…
So alone…
I’m trying to figure out how act in my next show…
Trying to pick the clothes to be worn…
So the audience can be pleased…
while my misery is tucked deep inside of me…
Hidden behind a smiling face…
A face that “says” “I’m OK”….

Tonight…
Bravo! Bravo! Excellent show!
I try to take a bow…
To symbolize that I’m proud…
Proud to be tip of well told jokes…
Proud that I could hold back my tears and put on a smile…
Proud that this “lie” has made their lives worthwhile…
If only for a moment in time…
Shouldn’t I be thrilled when people smile…?
Isn’t laughter the language of the soul…?
Then why do I keep feeling so cold after each torrid show…?
They can’t see my pain…
Through all this face paint…
But even if I came plain…
It would still all be in vain…
So I must maintain this image of a clown…
One who brings a smile to all those around…
That’ll be my eternal crown…
“The one that makes us smile”

Intro: From over 9 years ago. One of the oldest. Was a huge fan of Hip Hop and still am to an extent, but the lyrics aren’t as “polished” as later works. Really was trying to find a voice, but hopefully this story can shine again.

I felt a presence within me…Pen fell down and my eyes became teary…You are not bad was what I was told…Words couldn’t explain the pain I felt in my…my…soul…

I’ve been feeling like a demon ever since I started breathing. My soul was taking a beating thanks to those teachers keep hating…So I committed treason. For so many bullshit reasons…Evil for all four seasons. Body had superficial lesions…Why? Cuz I Turned my back on my soul and Now I had become cold. For I had no conscience to keep me in control. When I was younger they called me a trouble maker…As I got older I started getting bolder. I wanted to carry real weight on my shoulders, so I started taking more risks…I could’ve been called sadistic…

Ever since the age of 5…Every day the teachers tried…Always belittling me…Sorrowed was all I could be. Why they hating me? Was it what I was rocking…Or the extra pens n pencils I was stocking…I tried my best to be the best student…But this was a battle I was losing. So my soul was ambushed like the city of Troy…Goodbye to the childhood of this boy. If teachers kept hating on me, making me the target of their animosity…Fine I’ll fight back ferociously…I decided to be what they wanted me to be…So long to my little good deeds. So long to the apple I left on her table. So began my so sad fable…

Outta nowhere I just stopped caring for anything…Using anyone for my own benefit. Even my friends were pretty much pawns. In this game of chess which my cold soul spawned. So began my eternal haunt. Was this the life I sought? A low voice kept trying to speak to me…But it got deafened by chit chatter of the streets. The street’s voice was more appealing…To materialism I was kneeling. Didn’t care about who I rolled with. As long as in the end I made it. But I started rolling in too deep…I started chilling with the epitomes of the beast…But I also started making some real friends. All of us was lost in this system. So it was a bond we had in common…Till the day are hearts would be stopping…So one deal after another…Soon lost our beginner’s stutter. Haha! Added a new meaning to the term “Office Clutter”, money slipping like fresh churned butter. As long as the Overlords were satisfied, and I got a piece of the pie, I sort of liked my life… I knew I was doing so many wrong things, yet my cold skin couldn’t feel the sting…The Sting of Reality. The fact that my life is a tragedy.

I literally was losing my mind. People asking me to donate to save people’s lives. What about my life! Don’t anyone care about my own possible demise. Then I looked in the mirror and saw my reflection…saw the reason for my apprehension. I’m the reason I may not be alive today…I’ve sold myself to this horrid game. I’ve lost what I had always believed in. What I was even preaching. The right to free thinking n peaceful living. But no one gives a damn about me! So came the passing of the days, feeling that dirty money I was paid. So many mistakes…
I made one mistake too many…me n my dawgz started owing too much money…Then…the day of my near fatal brawl…I had no one too call…Could’ve sworn my life had stalled…In my mind my life story was being drawn…Erase…Thought it was going to end. Then woke up in a hospital bed…Felt all the spots where I bled…You have a Guardian Angel is what the Doctors said…All I could do was look at the ceiling wondering if someone was scheming or was I dreaming…Some one saved me that day. Dropped me off at the hospital that same day.

This was a beginning to an end…But I had a long way to go, before I could find myself…And claim my soul…This is the story that should be told. Don’t live the life of a thug…In the end you’ll be the one with no love. Never fall to peer pressure…you can be so much better. No one goes with you to the grave, but the pain you cause remains. It lives on in all the people you’ve touched. For better or for worse…Always choose love…Never the gun…You could be so much more than what they believe about you. Look around you and find the proof. One Love and Peace! Find Your Self!

Each day I wake up with bare hope…
Hoping to complete one day without being scathed…
Or have the will to bear 8 more hours of pain…
School is Hell…
School is Hell…

Each ring of the bell…
School is Hell…
School is hell…

Each note spells…
School is Hell…
School is Hell…

Spellbound has become time…
Hands refuse to move…
Or they unwind…
To each piercing place and opine…
Make me relive each moment of mine..
Mind by all eyes…

Same look of sigh…
Disdain towards my whole life…
Make me go cry…
Some side locked mines…
Locked up inside…
Banged up by…

My so called friends…
Don’t they hear my cries…?
Or they see that smile…?
Good sport guy…

Pride in being so “kind”.
Use me for dime, dine, and lies…
Behind and in front of me…
These memories…