Posts Tagged ‘Despair’

Push Pull

Posted: June 19, 2018 in Poetry
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Always been told…
You’re there for me…
Whenever I need…
Yet so many times…
You take me on some ride…
Telling me this and that…
Only to go silent…
Stop…
Push me out…

Fall to the floor…
No map to get back to…
After giving so much time and energy for you…
Only made to be left alone…
In this biting cold…
Wandering….

Till I see this light…
Coming towards me…
I try to follow…
But stuck in my place…
Closer and closer…
Recognize that face…
Pulls me back in…

To share all the new and past pains…
For my words heal and help maintain…
Your resolve…
But at what cost to me…
Not knowing how long I’ll be party…
Before being parted with…
Pushed back to loneliness…

Mystical Prayers II

Posted: March 27, 2018 in Poetry
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Intro: This continues the tale from before.
https://silentscholar.com/2017/10/20/mystical-prayers/

The voices continue…

Prayers are supposed to solve all…
Yet here I am all alone…
Voice still so soft…
About to blow…
And give it all up…
These petals are all plucked…
Left flushed with all this lost love…
Their voices tell me it’s enough!!
Give up…

If not then give in…
And let the pain win…
They don’t care…
Fate don’t care..
What’s up there…
Ignores all your cries…
Prayers are all denied…
Now The spirits require sacrifice…
Pay the price…
That will set you free…
From all those needs…

The need for love…
The wish for happiness…
Give in…
These are your prayers answered…
Listen…
Voices speak…
Do the deed…

Fate {A world perspective}

Posted: January 1, 2018 in Poetry
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This world we live in…
Whose prejudged the course of 7 Billion souls…
Before so many have even been born…
Based on birth date place and face…
Skin tones make or break one’s fate…
As if many even have a chance…?
This world doesn’t give damn…
In fact they plan…

Behind the scenes…
Malicious malevolent human beings with evil tendencies…
Who care for only the green…
Feed off the pain and misery…
Say it themselves…
As they flaunt their wealth…

Leaving the majority in literal poverty…
Exploiting mental slavery…
While I’m supposedly freeing my mind…
Yet here I am, still engaged in this depraved matrix…
Just another faceless statist…
With no basis to justify my own life…
At the cost of so many others who try!
And fail because this world isn’t fair…

Mystical Prayers

Posted: October 20, 2017 in Poetry
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Feeling the spirits scream…
The voices proclaim…
That you are out of place…
You don’t fit amongst them…
Come back to us..

But how can I…?
I still have their desires…
Still need and want all…
Walls come closer…
With just one outlet…
One light…
Blinded by what’s just beyond…
Drawn…

Yet other spirits scream…
Tinged with a familiar voice…
Faint…
No not a voice…
Echos of past choices…
And what I’ve seen…
Read and dread what I may do tonight…

Who are you…?
Today I was all smiles…
But now those voices tell me…
Only one deed can set me free…
But what about them…?
Being different hurts…

But they don’t hate you…
But they don’t care too…
Pacing knowing no one loves me…
Praying…
Praying for what they have…
Praying one day I can stand…
And proclaim…
I belong…

Intensity {Story in a Song}

Posted: August 6, 2017 in Poetry
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On days where you feel misunderstood…

Silent Scholar

A dream…
For you to understand…
Just how much I care…

Language…
The choice of words…
Choice of verbs and phrases…
Makes for this way I feel..

That seems so odd…
How can one feel so strong…
Without the time needed to bond…
As if one touch releases all…

Perhaps there’s a cause…
Deep down inside…
I’ve felt lost…
Yet in you I see all the signs…
See you as the guide…
For my flows…

Knee deep in the throes…
Of being no more…
Yet the mere showing of you…

Apologies for being me…
But if there is only one person who could see…
The beauty in being me???
Or have I become so deluded…
As you remain quiet…
Uneasy…

Leaving me to wonder…
What have I shared…
That has lead to this blank stare…
Don’t you love me???

What have I done…
This glimpse of shared love…
Broken by…

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For the ones who cannot speak {Picked on Ones II}

Posted: May 14, 2017 in Poetry
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Intro: People can be so mean.
Why is that the cool ones talk about standing up for yourself? Not knowing or caring how hard a world can be for  those who don’t fit in.

Is there dignity in being alone…?
I’ve become a pro at smiles…
Look at me…
See it…
Been practicing since my first memories…

Perhaps those terrible twos carried along…
So everyone sees only bad in me…
Every day I try to believe…
That brighter days will arrive…
Each night…
To the stroke of midnight…
Till Dawn…
I see what no others see…

Someone who wants to be my friend…
In fact more than one…
Can’t count with my own hands…
So happy…
So lucid…
Knowing this moment won’t last…

No one will know this dream…
As no one cares for me…
Back to being told I’m worthless…
Back to being broken daily…
But back tonight…
Must go back…
Smile again…

Observer

Posted: January 24, 2017 in Poetry
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The smiles…
Look into me…
Lovely life to live…
With one or by myself…
I see all that spells…
My life…
One…

The smiles…
Too good at that…
While watching time pass…
Kids grow past those old flirts…
Words now mean so much more…
Pour over what’s a crush…
While wondering what’s love…
All paths lead to one…

The smiles…
The congratulations…
Affirmation of love…
Pieced over time…
Parts aren’t so clear…
For I haven’t been as near…
But still proud to see all so happy…

The smiles…
They smile back…
Who doesn’t want to share their joy…
While I fade into dark corridors…
Travel back and forward…
Wondering how time…
And chance chose to pass me by…
And how life is now lived…

The smiles…
My one link to them all…
The nod…
Good luck to my friends…
I’ll be around…

Bullied I – Different

Posted: December 11, 2016 in Poetry
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Intro: I’ve written about bullying in the past. It’s something I’m not sure I have experienced. However hearing the stories of misery and the lack of care hurts a great deal. The cries for help are often discarded and ignored. Often the outcasts are or those who look “different” from others are treated terribly. An exploration into thoughts and stories…

Reality bites…
Especially when light is nonexistent…
Only darkness and its pervasive persistence…
How is it possible for darkness to carry no mass…
Yet weigh me down so fast…
For when this young fledgling tries to fly…
Society shuns and denies…
You are not among us…
Stay small…
Clip your wings…
Fall back to where you belong…

In the shadows…
Plastered upon the wall of memories…
Pieces of misery after miseries…
The mysteries of a being who tried…
But society decided otherwise…
Sold a set of lies…
That I believe so strongly…

Hand pressed so hard on my heart…
Hoping they would change…
Give me that one break…
To prove I belong among them…
In the sky…

Winged flight…
Only to be ensnared…
Thrown back to reality…
Without care…
Know your place…
A pain too heavy to bear…
The darkness…

Carbon I

Posted: October 22, 2016 in Poetry
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How magnificent…
Full of life…
Built upon the demise…
Of so many lives…
Never valued…
Only used…
And abused…
Burned…
Disposed of…
Don’t they know…
The pains of loss…
I hurt all…
When I burn…

I Wish…

Posted: October 7, 2016 in Poetry
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All of us hope…
Hope and there she was…
Hurt by someone she loved…
Hurt so hard…
Left torn apart…
Yet still drawn…
The strings of time remain strong…
The theory of progression…
The healing of wounds…
All seemed so true…

For just a moment…
I could see what my heart dreams…
A field of green where we would dance…
Amongst the stars…
But now awake and alarmed…
As she’s still drawn…
While by my side…
All those words…
Now the cries…
Make me wonder what will be…

Yet I still dream…
I still see hope in those same eyes…
But perhaps I’m being blind…
But maybe she’ll see me as the light…
To help guide her through these trials…
Or maybe just ride these waves…
Just imagine if I choose to wait…

So I still stay…
Yet each passing day yields more pain…
Wondering what will be…
Till today…
When I help set her free…
Just need a little bit of sweet…
And little bit of love…
A little bit of verse…
Spiritual sonnets…
Surely we will bond…

{spoken}
Dearest one…
We’ve been together for so long…
I feel that we can be even more…
Remember all the good times we had…
All the good times we still have…
Beyond friendship…
Beyond love…
Wish for something more…
Can we be more…?

____

As he gets down on one knee…
The pain and love from her past…
Comes back and stings…
She can’t help but think there’s more…
Hidden from his eyes…
Only she can see…
She turns away…
Leaves…
As he’s left in pain…
Wondering who’s to blame…?

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