Intro: To end Autism Awareness month on a positive note. Love is the most powerful force.
Are you the one…?
As I walk back and forth…
Conjure up a dream…
The ideal…
The one that is me…
With the one that is meant for me…
In a place of blooms…
With colors abound…
Telling stories of love…
Yet with one color gone…
Where is the blue…?
Where do the blue flowers bloom…?
Catch a glimpse of another me…
Shy and tied to me by a rope only I can see…
Shakes and now I feel his ways…
While she wonders who is real…
As if two occupy the same space…
What she’d seen before now is no more…
But she’s the one…
Sees just how both parts and more form…
This rainbow of beautiful…
Those delicate petals…
Easily bruised…
Yet still bloom…
But not under the sun…
Blue blooms at night…
When all gets quiet…
Just for who’s right…
Just me and you…
This song addresses the many times when one processes things differently than the norm. When anxiety, bullying, personality go to a dark place.
–
Another day…
Time for never ending laughs that last all the time I’m around….
Nothing but a clown is all they see…So they proceed to treat me as they please…
Ignoring my silent pleas for them to stop…
But all they see is a smile that begs to be fed more dread…
They believe I can handle it…
So I’m hit…Again and again…
Each insult is responded with a smile…
But it’s all for fun…?
So why should I take it so hard….
So hard…So hard…
I invited it all…
Another day…
I wonder why I even lift my head…?
I wonder why I even get up off bed…?
This life I’ve led borders on worthlessness…
I get no respect…
How about getting a speck of sympathy…?
Or will this life I lead be stuck on a trek towards something so low…
So alone…
I’m trying to figure out how act in my next show…
Trying to pick the clothes to be worn…
So the audience can be pleased…
while my misery is tucked deep inside of me…
Hidden behind a smiling face…
A face that “says” “I’m OK”….
Tonight…
Bravo! Bravo! Excellent show!
I try to take a bow…
To symbolize that I’m proud…
Proud to be tip of well told jokes…
Proud that I could hold back my tears and put on a smile…
Proud that this “lie” has made their lives worthwhile…
If only for a moment in time…
Shouldn’t I be thrilled when people smile…?
Isn’t laughter the language of the soul…?
Then why do I keep feeling so cold after each torrid show…?
They can’t see my pain…
Through all this face paint…
But even if I came plain…
It would still all be in vain…
So I must maintain this image of a clown…
One who brings a smile to all those around…
That’ll be my eternal crown…
“The one that makes us smile”
Pair up…
Afraid of those words…
Afraid that I’ll be picked last…
As I won’t build those same bonds…
Built over time…
Or in an instant…
For when I try…
Or rather not…
Just stay to the side…
And hope a single soul sees…
This being begging for some piece…
Of what it means to belong…
If just for a moment…
Then I promise to leave…
Back to my reality…
Back to peace…
____
Intro: April is Autism Awareness month. Taking a hiatus from other topics in progress to focus on writings that perhaps reflect the nuances.
It’s my World….
At peace with words…
The sounds…
Thoughts from inside…
Bridge being my eyes…
Sights from outside…
Peer into my mind…
Focus…
Focus…
Can’t…
She’s too…
Is she sweet…
Look away…
Look away…
Maybe a slight grin…
Then this can begin…
Be you…
But be me…?
You know where that leads…
Me being broken…
Misunderstood like before…
Better to be in my world…
Where the sounds tell more…
Whole stories about heroes…
Even tragedies…
But forever happy to be me…
Back to my world…
_____
I don’t blame belief…
But the believers…
And our deceivers…
Funded by whores who own the media…
Not only the corporate beasts…
But the social speech…
Shared through corner alleys and beats…
Brainwashed poisoned beings that preach…
Rhetoric that heats…
Sadly leads to lobotomies..
Drone beings who only believe one way…
All other paths bane…
Must maim…
While in same breath claim our path is supreme…
As if some High Being gave us the keys…
While locking out the rest of humanity…
Fated them to never be redeemed…
As the zealots continue to scream…
Their tainted beliefs!
Breeding plenty of sheep…
Disposable beings…
Who will sacrifice for something “heavenly”
Become the ultimate remedy…
Raised among right ones…
While the rest of us snuffed…
Because the powers to be…
Feed off the misery…
Feed and process the next set of beasts…
Who breathe hate…
Deceive…
Repeat…
His mind is redrawn through the words of “God”…
Not realizing that the hands of man are behind his awakening…
The source of light is something so dark that threatens to tear him apart….
A little “note” pulsates through his mind and soul…
Trying to connect the past and present to these enshrined goals…
Bring peace to this world through practicing and preaching this way of peace does little to put at ease the
little boy within him…
So the conflict strengthens….
Am I committing sin?
Is what I’ve been taught to think the way to be a better person?
The little boy who has witnessed so much pain…So much sorrow…So much happiness…
Now must decide where to gravitate…While the surrogate father salivates at the thought of another soldier
being added to the ranks…
Little boy is told to give his last thanks to those he loves…
Takes one long drawn out look at the sky and wonders on the perils of life…
The slow steps to paradise…
Each step reminds him of his duty to his faith…
Yet at the same time doubt has settled in…
Won’t let go…
Surrogate father restates the goals…
“The only way to enter the eternal abode!”
Yet she prays too…
She prays…She prays…
Then came this day…
Did her faith save her?
Husband comes home and strokes her skin…
So softly she feels loved for the first time…
But intertwined with this kindness is the lie his eyes hide from his wife….
He has news from her father…
The choice has been made…
For his debts to be paid she must be made a “slave”…
She can’t believe what’s been said…
Before she could make a sound, she’s bound tight by her husband…
Her brother joins in remaking into what the slavers taste…
She screams…
“I’m your sister!”
“How could you do this to me!?”
Her brother’s cold face shows what phase he has reached…
The brainwashing has been complete…
He himself is a mental slave….
She now turns pale as they turn her over to the menacing males…
Have her prayers failed…?
She prays…She prays…
The atomic bonds:
Ionic –> Giving
Covalent –> Sharing
Many more variants…
Ionic…
The idea of giving has its own wisdoms, whose parts are unified under the thought that all life has the right to
live…So we choose to give and others receive in this never ending symphony…This belief in giving to those
who need…
Understanding that some have been more than just blessed…
And that the riches are often kept with just a few…
Yet some do try their best to bridge the gap between the haves and those with less…
Is it too much for a human to expect to be helped when down…?
For when a soul is scathed by hate, the bonds begin to decay…
A chain reaction begins…
The poisonous product of society’s sins is released…
Effects reach the farthest peaks away from the original breach…
Contagion spreads…
Leaving so much death while poisoning the rest in its wake…
In the distance I see the blaze that can’t be staved…
While we’re still continuing the same way…
And now look what we have done…
Take…Take all and leave none…
Sorrowed songs of the forgotten ones…
Try to illuminate the plight of the many whose rights that have been denied…
Chaos from the energies generated from such moments in brevity…
Pain grows steadily…For when we break the natural bonds of humans have made, we are faced with a scorched
planet…
Contagion continues to ravage…
Now see what happens…
The Wars result…
And so do the scars…
And the most vulnerable amongst us…
Bear the loss…
As must we…
I pray…
Cure the imbalance…
And bring peace…By giving…
Look closely…
These atoms that make up the very fiber of our being…
Show us that through all the chaos…
Peace can be achieved…
By giving to those in need…
You’ll set in motion the reaction…
To reverse all that has been ravaged…
The healing…
The help…
Give…
Intro: I had neglected to actually give context to Chapter I and what the story is about. Truth be told I hope I’ve left enough clues for it to be known. This chapter focuses on the sister in this story. Much of the inspiration came from a Nashville, Tennessee based band named Hammock.
This song in particular inspired this writing:
“The Silence”
I see…
A beautiful woman…
Hides her face…
She refuses to tell…
So I’m forced to dwell in my thoughts…
Caught in my own sense of lost time…
I fail to realize that her story is being told through those eyes…
Peel back the layers of disguise…
Her eyes tell me so much…
Her Faith…
When she was young, she was betrothed to an animal…
Whose mandible dripped lust…
Spoke corrupt…
Each thought erupts as if the thought of being stuck with this animal was enough…?
No…She had to bear more…
A father who who struck her at his own whim…
“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone…”
The community refused to own their own…
For all had sinned and refused to partake in the righteous deed of helping to set her free…
So she was left alone…
Waiting to be taken away from the only home she’d ever known…
Now she’s with the animal whose rage could no longer be caged within the confines of his brainwashed soul…
The vote that his soul took was to be the tyrant of the household…
Each night the case closed with him violating her in shadows….
One wonders if she could even consent to this act…
With the pretense that she would face his wrath if she didn’t oblige…
Still to have a child is the content of many a women’s dreams…
To comment on the means to achieve this dream should be a travesty…
He pierced her hard…No love exchanged…
Just the excrements…
Much to the detriment of what the relationship should’ve been…
This was just the beginning of the many ordeals she would endure…
Yet it would be faith that kept her feeling secure…
A belief in a better day…
Yet…As the fluids keep flowing, loud sounds unaccompanied by the serotonin…
The seed is released…Deed is done…
In 9 months we should see the newborn…
She is now with child…Yet still her life is still an unending trial…
“Husband” is vile all the while the child grows…
The child can hear the fights that happen day and night…
He shakes…shakes…
She feels the pain…Red from the abuse husband the lays onto her beautiful face…
The baby feels her pain…Continues to shake…
Released… many weeks before he was due, due to the pain inflicted as he grew within her womb…
Born too soon…
He struggles to breathe…Mother can’t believe what she sees..
He came too early into this world to be saved…Soon after he’s laid to rest…
Wife now faced with the blame…
“You can’t carry my child!?”
“You’re weak and worthless!”
He continues to beat his wife in plain sight of the community with such impunity that he seems to be the only judge and jury…
Husband marries again…
Continues and unjust trend of unrepentant hate towards this sister in faith…
Cutoff from all her family and friends, she’s forced to dwell in this hellhole that’s also her home…
But in reality her husband “owns” her…
All she has is this corner she uses to pray for a better day…
For she is not so quiet after all…
On her knees…
Praying to the Lord to please let her be free…
All done in secret…
Intro: An older more heavily hip hop style song. A time when rhyming was more of a focus than the content itself.
An interesting monologue/conversation.
Hey…
I can’t believe this is you…
Can’t believe this is the truth…
Can’t believe you grabbed that knife…
Can’t believe you wanted to end your life…
Could believe you threw your knife down…
could believe your life was found…
Could believe you’ve found brighter days…
Could believe you’d find your way…
Can’t believe you kept spiraling down…
Can’t believe you thought life was done…
Can’t believe you grabbed that gun…
Could believe that gun had blanks…
Thank the Lord…
Thanks…
But here you are lying in a hospital bed…!
No one knew of this life you led…!
Stuck with all these tubes…
This is not how I’d pictured you…
Bloodied shirt…
Feel so hurt…
Can’t believe you didn’t tell me…
Can’t believe that we weren’t homies…
Can’t believe you wrote such harsh words…
Can’t believe you wanted us all cursed…
Could believe we were drifting apart…
Could believe it was because of my cold heart…
Could believe I wouldn’t understand…
Could believe that I still want to be your friend…
Could believe….
Can’t believe…
Could believe…
Can’t believe…
Can’t believe they want me to let you go..
Can’t believe I’ll now be all alone…
No homie to hang out with…
No more laugh out loud moments…
Enough…!
No one is hearing me…!
Who am I!?
Who is this!?
We got the same slit wrists…
Not it can’t be..!
You are me…!
I did the deed…!
Silent Scholar 