Posts Tagged ‘Loneliness’

Observer

Posted: January 24, 2017 in Poetry
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The smiles…
Look into me…
Lovely life to live…
With one or by myself…
I see all that spells…
My life…
One…

The smiles…
Too good at that…
While watching time pass…
Kids grow past those old flirts…
Words now mean so much more…
Pour over what’s a crush…
While wondering what’s love…
All paths lead to one…

The smiles…
The congratulations…
Affirmation of love…
Pieced over time…
Parts aren’t so clear…
For I haven’t been as near…
But still proud to see all so happy…

The smiles…
They smile back…
Who doesn’t want to share their joy…
While I fade into dark corridors…
Travel back and forward…
Wondering how time…
And chance chose to pass me by…
And how life is now lived…

The smiles…
My one link to them all…
The nod…
Good luck to my friends…
I’ll be around…

Bullied I – Different

Posted: December 11, 2016 in Poetry
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Intro: I’ve written about bullying in the past. It’s something I’m not sure I have experienced. However hearing the stories of misery and the lack of care hurts a great deal. The cries for help are often discarded and ignored. Often the outcasts are or those who look “different” from others are treated terribly. An exploration into thoughts and stories…

Reality bites…
Especially when light is nonexistent…
Only darkness and its pervasive persistence…
How is it possible for darkness to carry no mass…
Yet weigh me down so fast…
For when this young fledgling tries to fly…
Society shuns and denies…
You are not among us…
Stay small…
Clip your wings…
Fall back to where you belong…

In the shadows…
Plastered upon the wall of memories…
Pieces of misery after miseries…
The mysteries of a being who tried…
But society decided otherwise…
Sold a set of lies…
That I believe so strongly…

Hand pressed so hard on my heart…
Hoping they would change…
Give me that one break…
To prove I belong among them…
In the sky…

Winged flight…
Only to be ensnared…
Thrown back to reality…
Without care…
Know your place…
A pain too heavy to bear…
The darkness…

I Wish…

Posted: October 7, 2016 in Poetry
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All of us hope…
Hope and there she was…
Hurt by someone she loved…
Hurt so hard…
Left torn apart…
Yet still drawn…
The strings of time remain strong…
The theory of progression…
The healing of wounds…
All seemed so true…

For just a moment…
I could see what my heart dreams…
A field of green where we would dance…
Amongst the stars…
But now awake and alarmed…
As she’s still drawn…
While by my side…
All those words…
Now the cries…
Make me wonder what will be…

Yet I still dream…
I still see hope in those same eyes…
But perhaps I’m being blind…
But maybe she’ll see me as the light…
To help guide her through these trials…
Or maybe just ride these waves…
Just imagine if I choose to wait…

So I still stay…
Yet each passing day yields more pain…
Wondering what will be…
Till today…
When I help set her free…
Just need a little bit of sweet…
And little bit of love…
A little bit of verse…
Spiritual sonnets…
Surely we will bond…

{spoken}
Dearest one…
We’ve been together for so long…
I feel that we can be even more…
Remember all the good times we had…
All the good times we still have…
Beyond friendship…
Beyond love…
Wish for something more…
Can we be more…?

____

As he gets down on one knee…
The pain and love from her past…
Comes back and stings…
She can’t help but think there’s more…
Hidden from his eyes…
Only she can see…
She turns away…
Leaves…
As he’s left in pain…
Wondering who’s to blame…?

Blue Flowers

Posted: April 30, 2016 in Poetry
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Intro: To end Autism Awareness month on a positive note. Love is the most powerful force.

Are you the one…?
As I walk back and forth…
Conjure up a dream…
The ideal…
The one that is me…
With the one that is meant for me…
In a place of blooms…
With colors abound…
Telling stories of love…
Yet with one color gone…

Where is the blue…?
Where do the blue flowers bloom…?
Catch a glimpse of another me…
Shy and tied to me by a rope only I can see…
Shakes and now I feel his ways…
While she wonders who is real…
As if two occupy the same space…
What she’d seen before now is no more…

But she’s the one…
Sees just how both parts and more form…
This rainbow of beautiful…
Those delicate petals…
Easily bruised…
Yet still bloom…

But not under the sun…
Blue blooms at night…
When all gets quiet…
Just for who’s right…
Just me and you…

Tears of a Clown

Posted: April 26, 2016 in Poetry
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Intro: Original title comes from the Tears of a Clown: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tears_of_a_Clown. Although I originally discovered it from a Tupac Shakur song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyRyGUjsik4

This song addresses the many times when one processes things differently than the norm. When anxiety, bullying, personality go to a dark place.
–

Another day…
Time for never ending laughs that last all the time I’m around….
Nothing but a clown is all they see…So they proceed to treat me as they please…
Ignoring my silent pleas for them to stop…
But all they see is a smile that begs to be fed more dread…
They believe I can handle it…
So I’m hit…Again and again…
Each insult is responded with a smile…
But it’s all for fun…?
So why should I take it so hard….
So hard…So hard…
I invited it all…

Another day…
I wonder why I even lift my head…?
I wonder why I even get up off bed…?
This life I’ve led borders on worthlessness…
I get no respect…
How about getting a speck of sympathy…?
Or will this life I lead be stuck on a trek towards something so low…
So alone…
I’m trying to figure out how act in my next show…
Trying to pick the clothes to be worn…
So the audience can be pleased…
while my misery is tucked deep inside of me…
Hidden behind a smiling face…
A face that “says” “I’m OK”….

Tonight…
Bravo! Bravo! Excellent show!
I try to take a bow…
To symbolize that I’m proud…
Proud to be tip of well told jokes…
Proud that I could hold back my tears and put on a smile…
Proud that this “lie” has made their lives worthwhile…
If only for a moment in time…
Shouldn’t I be thrilled when people smile…?
Isn’t laughter the language of the soul…?
Then why do I keep feeling so cold after each torrid show…?
They can’t see my pain…
Through all this face paint…
But even if I came plain…
It would still all be in vain…
So I must maintain this image of a clown…
One who brings a smile to all those around…
That’ll be my eternal crown…
“The one that makes us smile”

Blue Puzzles II

Posted: April 16, 2016 in Poetry
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1, 2, 3 , 4…

Pair up…
Afraid of those words…
Afraid that I’ll be picked last…
As I won’t build those same bonds…
Built over time…
Or in an instant…
For when I try…
Or rather not…
Just stay to the side…
And hope a single soul sees…
This being begging for some piece…
Of what it means to belong…
If just for a moment…
Then I promise to leave…
Back to my reality…
Back to peace…
____

Headphones

Posted: April 10, 2016 in Poetry
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Intro: April is Autism Awareness month. Taking a hiatus from other topics in progress to focus on writings that perhaps reflect the nuances.

It’s my World….
At peace with words…
The sounds…
Thoughts from inside…
Bridge being my eyes…
Sights from outside…
Peer into my mind…

Focus…
Focus…
Can’t…
She’s too…
Is she sweet…
Look away…
Look away…

Maybe a slight grin…
Then this can begin…
Be you…
But be me…?
You know where that leads…
Me being broken…
Misunderstood like before…
Better to be in my world…

Where the sounds tell more…
Whole stories about heroes…
Even tragedies…
But forever happy to be me…
Back to my world…
_____

Blue Puzzles I

Posted: April 8, 2016 in Poetry
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Figments…
Trying to grasp…
While walking past all this noise…
What does he mean?
She’s mean?
Blessed be those who can see…
While I try to perceive…

What a smile means…
Or a frown…
All this doubt…
Pass by the crowd…

Another bout of pain…
Can I make it…?
But the blank stares…
Please stop…
Judged by all…
Why can’t I be unseen…
Let me be…

Yet I wish for more…
For what they have…
For those smiles…
Just to feel what happiness is about…

Blessed be those who can see…
I’m not one of them…
They don’t understand me…
Why I am who I am…
Eyes look away…
Another day gone…

But I made it…
Blessed…

Through the Looking Glass

Posted: March 19, 2016 in Poetry
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Intro: An older more heavily hip hop style song. A time when rhyming was more of a focus than the content itself.

An interesting monologue/conversation.

Hey…
I can’t believe this is you…
Can’t believe this is the truth…
Can’t believe you grabbed that knife…
Can’t believe you wanted to end your life…

Could believe you threw your knife down…
could believe your life was found…
Could believe you’ve found brighter days…
Could believe you’d find your way…

Can’t believe you kept spiraling down…
Can’t believe you thought life was done…
Can’t believe you grabbed that gun…
Could believe that gun had blanks…
Thank the Lord…
Thanks…

But here you are lying in a hospital bed…!
No one knew of this life you led…!
Stuck with all these tubes…
This is not how I’d pictured you…
Bloodied shirt…
Feel so hurt…

Can’t believe you didn’t tell me…
Can’t believe that we weren’t homies…
Can’t believe you wrote such harsh words…
Can’t believe you wanted us all cursed…

Could believe we were drifting apart…
Could believe it was because of my cold heart…
Could believe I wouldn’t understand…
Could believe that I still want to be your friend…

Could believe….
Can’t believe…
Could believe…
Can’t believe…

Can’t believe they want me to let you go..
Can’t believe I’ll now be all alone…
No homie to hang out with…
No more laugh out loud moments…
Enough…!
No one is hearing me…!
Who am I!?
Who is this!?
We got the same slit wrists…
Not it can’t be..!
You are me…!
I did the deed…!

Sad for a pen to write VII

Posted: February 12, 2016 in Poetry
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Intro:
This time…
How I used to write so much beautiful things…
Yet you rejected it all…

Lesson learned…
Don’t open your heart to getting burned…
Spurned by the aperture that I thought was love…
Instead is now the very shrug I’ve seen far too much….

Knowing that no matter what is done…Never seems enough on my part…
Always too quick to open my heart…Because I’m always thinking way too far…
Maybe if life’s flows were are on par with my thoughts…
Or I should just admit it…
I’m just wrong…

Shrugged off like I don’t matter at all…
All my words lack any worth…
Lesson Learned…
Once again my best friend is a teary pen…
Let the remorse commence…

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