Posts Tagged ‘Loneliness’

Ignored

Posted: November 27, 2015 in Poetry
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It’s true…
Feel like an outcast among strangers…
Common memory makers mark me with malaise…
My own “state” migrates with me wherever I go…
Forever being “The Other”…
Unable to slow…
Stay…
Wait…
My days repeat…
Don’t know what it means to be happy…
For the pursuit ends with me being on my knees…
Begging the Lord for some semblance of peace…
But how I see peace runs against all they see…
They don’t want me to be part of their humanity…
No one does!
Hence I’m left with so much love…
Unable to share with anyone!
For I have been judged…
Without one word being spoken…

Please don’t fear the way I am…
I only wish to make some friends…
I only wish to be your friend…

Turn their backs away…
Away…

Soliloquy II {Spoken}

Posted: September 7, 2015 in Poetry
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Intro: A very different take on the word Soliloquy. Was wondering if the prayers of a person ever get answered.
Or are we just screaming into the wind? As there may not be something or someone out there…
—

All prayers should be…
The voice of a human…
Sounds of the Divine…

Try my best to understand…
The Divine plans…
Hour after hour…
Calling out Your Name in vain…
Still spend each night in prayer…

While the faithless ones point and laugh…
Claim me to be a fool…
And each day claim me to be the proof…
A clown who chooses to be duped…
By tales of Your greatness…

Pacing back and forth…
Asking the Lord why won’t you grant…
The demands of this penniless peasant man…
Your presence…
All Blank!
Reach me!?

Instead You seem to aggrieve me…
Over even the little good deeds…!
Of which I receive no peace…
Only brief fleeting moments of hope…
Shattered as soon as I get this close…

Feel abandoned by the Divine and fellow man…
The echo of love felt throughout…
Now an endless drought…
With no hope…
No choice…
But to shout…!

And receive no sound…
Only the signs that You don’t care…
Lost forever on my own…
While they all witness me fall…

Don’t Cry {Introduction}

Posted: September 1, 2015 in Poetry
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Current inspiration…
Be who you are…
And no more…
For a life spent trying to please…
Too often leads to misery…

If he or she won’t let you be…
And treats you as some small piece of sweet…
As that taste leaves so quickly…
And leaves behind pain…

You will never feel at ease…
Trying to find peace…
In a being such as he/she…

Darling don’t cry…
Aint worth it…

Intensity {Story in a Song}

Posted: July 28, 2015 in Poetry
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A dream…
For you to understand…
Just how much I care…

Language…
The choice of words…
Choice of verbs and phrases…
Makes for this way I feel..

That seems so odd…
How can one feel so strong…
Without the time needed to bond…
As if one touch releases all…

Perhaps there’s a cause…
Deep down inside…
I’ve felt lost…
Yet in you I see all the signs…
See you as the guide…
For my flows…

Knee deep in the throes…
Of being no more…
Yet the mere showing of you…

Apologies for being me…
But if there is only one person who could see…
The beauty in being me???
Or have I become so deluded…
As you remain quiet…
Uneasy…

Leaving me to wonder…
What have I shared…
That has lead to this blank stare…
Don’t you love me???

What have I done…
This glimpse of shared love…
Broken by my own trust…
Trust in you seeing me as I am…
And not the bits & pieces…
You fell for in the past…

Reduced to a pile of words…
Rummaging through what works…
And what tingles the nerves…
Pray back to when I could say no wrong…
While knowing what you’ll be saying now…

—–

We won’t work out…
All because of me..???
My combined pride and shame…
In being who I am…
Will let me take all the blame…

Yet I feel it’s your loss too…
Yet I feel you deserve no pain…
Only wish you wonder why…
We can’t be…

My intensity???
Burns all around me…

Service

Posted: April 21, 2015 in Poetry
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Some are born leaders…
Some are born followers…
Yet most know one can be the other…

I choose to serve…
Refuse to be anything more…
As being the last word…
Laid down on the perch…
Watch down on the fallen…

Only to see my name starring…
As Exhibit A…
Hidden away from their gaze…
As my own name gives me shame…

Chosen…
Give up my name…
And all the temptations…
That fame feeds…
For anyone who wants or needs…
For what purpose is time spent towards just me…
So quickly…
Replace with blurry memories…

Who was this..?
Was this real..?
Or was it all a dream..?
Made up by maybe me…

Will to Survive

Posted: March 18, 2015 in Poetry
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Intro: An older one that still stays relevant to this day.

Waking up stressed…All my pain starts to crest…So much so I can’t address it anymore…I want to let it overflow…Drown my soul…
But my prose refuses to let me fall so low…
Trembling…Writing that fatal line…Instead, instills the will in me to fight…No matter how hard the struggle…I refuse to buckle…This will we all must have…Some have so little…For them we have to watch over…

Refuse to let them give up…No matter how rough or tough or stuck…or out of luck…Never ever give up…No matter how down you are…No matter how far you got to go…Keep the your will stowed…bound to your soul…Show that you can take the abuses and emerge stronger…Survive…Survive…

I’m no stranger to depression…Seems each night I engage in a solo session of wondering whether I should just give up…? Looking up and down, and around for some inspiration…
I’m always mired in misery…Maybe I should act out my Suicide Diaries…My twisted belief tells me that the world would be a better place with one less face defined as me…Those types of thoughts continue to plague me…But I know they products of pain that will one day go away…I have this unbreakable faith that guides me through the rain till it shines…No matter how many binds I’m bound in…I refuse to lose…I choose to win in the end…

The will to survive through all the trials in life is built up over time…Each day I strive to live the best way I can…So no matter how bad the day is, I take solace in knowing I gave it my all…I refuse to let myself fall victim to this harsh system of putdowns, ignored and left-behinds…Each line a write will continue to emphasize living life…through all storms that threaten to knock me and you off course…Stay strong…We’ll all reach that calm shore…

Sweet Echo II {No More}

Posted: January 28, 2015 in Poetry
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Intro: This song is a spiritual successor to Sweet Echo (Link below)

Sweet Echo

The winds still carry the story…

Sweet Echo II {No More}

Remember…
Way back when…
You and me…
Never missed a beat…
Now I skip back each chance…
Just to see if she’s there…
Waiting for me…

Instead the winds greet me…
With the warm embrace of past memories…
But just as fate frees me…
Winds leave ever so swiftly…
Leaving this soul in pain…

Wondering when…
That chamber of echos…
Feels like your voice again…

[Missing notes…
Missing quotes..
Missing most…
Your sweet echo…]

Memories of you…
Form part of who I am…
If past tense…
Could be present once again…
But fate had other plans…

Faith lead me to believe in you and me…
Winds reminded me of your sweet embrace…
As if today’s pains began to dissipate
Into a cloud borne from all the self hate…
That had taken peace away from me…

Is it wrong to remember what once was?
So fleeting the moment…
But still all us…
All love…

[Missing notes…
Missing quotes..
Missing most…
Your sweet echo…]

Programming the Universe {Multiverse}

Posted: January 18, 2015 in Poetry
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Finished writing this piece.
Draft Below

Programming the Universe {Draft}

“Programming the Universe {Multiverse}”

Light…

Is all this just math…?
Or is this patchwork of processes….
Blessed by a Divine Mass…?
Or perhaps all by chance…

Faith beckons me to step back…
And ponder on the place of man…
Within the strands of this perfect program…

Parse through each data point…
To find some logic…
And anoint a joint force…
From this masterful process…
Access to the Divine code…
The strings behind all known and unknown…

The finite glows…
Echo back a past…
That we’ve yet to fully grasp…
For light speed only gives us their memories…
In a shift of red we read their histories…
And wonder where we shall be amongst this tapestry…

Just a hairline in time…
Revealed through texts…
And codified by all lives…
Apprised by this precious gift of life…

Programming the Universe {Draft}

Posted: January 12, 2015 in Poetry
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Light…

Is all this just math…
Or is this patchwork of processes….
Blessed by a Divine Mass…
Or perhaps all by chance…

Faith beckons me to step back…
And ponder on the place of man…
Within this perfect program…

Parse through each data point…
To find some logic…
And anoint a joint force…
From this masterful prose…
Access to the Divine code…
The strings behind all known and unknown…

Choose Life I

Posted: October 26, 2014 in Poetry
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Completed the song (draft) from prior: https://silentscholar.com/2013/04/25/choose-life-draft/
_____

Intro: Suicide…Call it what it is…It need not be the actual action to take ones life…Giving up on life is
just as sad…There are those who say one has to right to end ones own life. In a way I agree with them…But
that does not mean I see it as the right thing to do…No one should give up…Please don’t give up…Choose

Life…

I understand the meaning of strife…
But only through the lens of this life…
For each individual’s soul’s strife is so unique…
For that reason alone I refuse to be your judge or jury…
Only a fellow human being….
Begging you…
Please…
We breathe, bleed, and believe so similarly…
Living individual soliloquies…

But often with audiences of none…
Or just One (Creator)…But perhaps being just us can be enough…
Truth is I don’t have the answers…
Only this protracted banter…
With one goal alone…
To not let you go…
Even if you’ve lost all hope…
Even if you’ve locked all doors…
Just know I’ll be outside braving this “cold”…

Talk to me…Please talk to us…Or just someone…
Perhaps yourself…
I often spend nights pacing footsteps…
“Comforted” by my own distress…
Mind telling me life’s messed…
“Take those next steps…”

I swear I would…
Knowing that full truth I could…
But faith holds me back…
If only I can harness that essence and pass…
But I can’t…
I can’t…
You must harness it yourself…
But until then I’m here to help…
Will never let you go…

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