Posts Tagged ‘Dream’

Intro: People can be so mean.
Why is that the cool ones talk about standing up for yourself? Not knowing or caring how hard a world can be for  those who don’t fit in.

Is there dignity in being alone…?
I’ve become a pro at smiles…
Look at me…
See it…
Been practicing since my first memories…

Perhaps those terrible twos carried along…
So everyone sees only bad in me…
Every day I try to believe…
That brighter days will arrive…
Each night…
To the stroke of midnight…
Till Dawn…
I see what no others see…

Someone who wants to be my friend…
In fact more than one…
Can’t count with my own hands…
So happy…
So lucid…
Knowing this moment won’t last…

No one will know this dream…
As no one cares for me…
Back to being told I’m worthless…
Back to being broken daily…
But back tonight…
Must go back…
Smile again…

Observer

Posted: January 24, 2017 in Poetry
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

The smiles…
Look into me…
Lovely life to live…
With one or by myself…
I see all that spells…
My life…
One…

The smiles…
Too good at that…
While watching time pass…
Kids grow past those old flirts…
Words now mean so much more…
Pour over what’s a crush…
While wondering what’s love…
All paths lead to one…

The smiles…
The congratulations…
Affirmation of love…
Pieced over time…
Parts aren’t so clear…
For I haven’t been as near…
But still proud to see all so happy…

The smiles…
They smile back…
Who doesn’t want to share their joy…
While I fade into dark corridors…
Travel back and forward…
Wondering how time…
And chance chose to pass me by…
And how life is now lived…

The smiles…
My one link to them all…
The nod…
Good luck to my friends…
I’ll be around…

Intro: I’ve written about bullying in the past. It’s something I’m not sure I have experienced. However hearing the stories of misery and the lack of care hurts a great deal. The cries for help are often discarded and ignored. Often the outcasts are or those who look “different” from others are treated terribly. An exploration into thoughts and stories…

Reality bites…
Especially when light is nonexistent…
Only darkness and its pervasive persistence…
How is it possible for darkness to carry no mass…
Yet weigh me down so fast…
For when this young fledgling tries to fly…
Society shuns and denies…
You are not among us…
Stay small…
Clip your wings…
Fall back to where you belong…

In the shadows…
Plastered upon the wall of memories…
Pieces of misery after miseries…
The mysteries of a being who tried…
But society decided otherwise…
Sold a set of lies…
That I believe so strongly…

Hand pressed so hard on my heart…
Hoping they would change…
Give me that one break…
To prove I belong among them…
In the sky…

Winged flight…
Only to be ensnared…
Thrown back to reality…
Without care…
Know your place…
A pain too heavy to bear…
The darkness…

Intro: The Final chapter to this. The first part of this chapter was actually written a few years back as part of

Chapter II, but I decided to incorporate it into this final chapter. It’s a sort of resolution to all that has

happened. I’ve also learned that I need to work more on my writing skills and hope to develop them in the future

Previous Chapters:

Chapter I – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/15/once-upon-a-time-chapter-i/

Chapter II – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/22/chapter-ii-a-sisters-faith/

Chapter III – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/28/chapter-iii-confliction/

Chapter IV – https://silentscholar.com/2016/05/17/chapter-iv-violations/

Chapter V – https://silentscholar.com/2016/05/21/chapter-v-transfigurations/

Chapter VI – https://silentscholar.com/2016/06/05/chapter-vi-destiny/

There she is…
And this aura of light…
Hearken back to all she hides…
As I get closer…
Wondering why she cries….
Her eyes are never dry…
Till I realize her life has so many times been hurt by the one who’s supposed to love her…
Abused by her father…Sold out to the crowd for pleasure…
For debts had to be paid…And her brother committed the unforgivable sin …
She’s left with just this…
But where is he…?
Where is he…?

That shadowy place…
Where no one dares…
Destiny of the damned…
“I must ask…”
“Your father too?”
“He tried to change in the end…”
“But forgiveness is a hard thing…”
“Perhaps some day…”
“Where is your mom?”

As her tears begin to flow more freely…
As if I just opened a deep wound…
As I’m not ready for her truth…
And my connection to her and all…
She points to the sky and recalls…
How a family once had very little, but had each other…
Lived day by day…
Until one of those days…
Those trails…
Signs of another…
Her mother had been judged…
By men who had never even known her..
Not that she was in the wrong…
But just worth nothing at all!
Collateral!

I’m just as guilty…
Just as much as those men…
Just as much as her father…
Just as much as her son…
Just as much as them all…
Part of the machine…
That took her away…
Turn away my face held down in dismay…

Imagine this story…
One of a kind in sense that each life is worth living…
But this happens far too often…
We are all victims…

Intro: The penultimate chapter to this experiment of writing a short story. I have much to learn and hopefully will develop more a writer.

Previous Chapters:

Chapter I – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/15/once-upon-a-time-chapter-i/

Chapter II – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/22/chapter-ii-a-sisters-faith/

Chapter III – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/28/chapter-iii-confliction/

Chapter IV – https://silentscholar.com/2016/05/17/chapter-iv-violations/

Chapter V- https://silentscholar.com/2016/05/21/chapter-v-transfigurations/

 
Imagine the story of child…
A boy…
Who grew up with the worst of pains…
But fought back and broke through the chains…
Only to now become enslaved…
To a form of a righteous faith now full of disdain…
Towards those with different names…
Different faces…

There he goes…
Heads to this crowded place…
Takes one look and shrugs a bit..
But remembers his training…
His faith…And the promised space…
An audience with the King…
Forever changed…

Also remembers those very faint memories…
Of a mother, father, sister…
Remembers those smiles…
Through all those past trials she smiled each night…
To put him at ease and so begins those last pleas…
As similar mothers and boys and girls surround…
He chooses to drown them out with recitations…
Painted face of piety…

No more time to waste…
As passerbys wonder why he shakes…
Until one notices his plans…
And acts…!
He does too…
And so goes it all…
That last bit of sound…
That last bit of doubt…
Gone…
Along with so many more…
Another sad episode…
Closes with the pain of many more…

Intro: Decision have been made. Forever changed. This chapter marked my return to trying to finish this story. Seeing how Chapter IV ended made it very difficult to get back, but managed to do so..

Previous Chapters:

Chapter I – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/15/once-upon-a-time-chapter-i/

Chapter II – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/22/chapter-ii-a-sisters-faith/

Chapter III – https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/28/chapter-iii-confliction/

Chapter IV – https://silentscholar.com/2016/05/17/chapter-iv-violations/

Little boy wakes up to a bright summer day…Remembers all the past trials And plays…
One more time with neighborhood kids…
One more time just in case he’s been missed…
All the young ones look up this bright shining figment of the sun…
If only one of them could see what he has truly become…
Never before seen…
Now to be known…
Retells those great tales…
A preview for the final show…
Hugs each one a final time…
And bids a peace…

For he is now at peace…
But a small piece inside speaks…
A gut feeling…
Tells him…”You are being led the wrong way”
Silence…Silence…Silence…
Fist gripped towards the heart…
Towards the mind…
All twisted inside…
“Why can’t they abide by the Divine!”
“Tell me oh wise soul!?”
“Tell me God!”

As he shouts to the sky…
The very sky that used to burden his family’s life…
But now things have changed…
Family…
Visits his proud father again…
To receive his blessings…
Proud father is torn too…
For the costs he had to pay…
To give his family that one break…
Only to see fate break his wife and daughter away…
How much more can one take…?
“She’s guilty!”
His cold faced son says…
Father shrugs away to a shelf that had that last piece…
“This is your family!”
“You have changed!”
“Then you will burn!”
Son leaves ever more burned…
Yet ever more determined…

Walks by that place…
Where he once heard her screams…
“She was wrong and deserved all”
Tries to make sense of all these…
While this piece inside pleads…
“All is not yet lost…”
But he tries to continue on…
Slowly but surely the path of destiny awaits…
Be cleansed of all the pains…
Make this world a better place…
Face to face with destiny…
Forever changed…

Intro: The Third Chapter. This one is a continuation of the story. A very important one for later on.

1st Chapter: https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/15/once-upon-a-time-chapter-i/
2nd Chapter: https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/22/chapter-ii-a-sisters-faith/

Chapter III – Confliction

His mind is redrawn through the words of “God”…
Not realizing that the hands of man are behind his awakening…
The source of light is something so dark that threatens to tear him apart….
A little “note” pulsates through his mind and soul…
Trying to connect the past and present to these enshrined goals…
Bring peace to this world through practicing and preaching this way of peace does little to put at ease the
little boy within him…
So the conflict strengthens….
Am I committing sin?
Is what I’ve been taught to think the way to be a better person?
The little boy who has witnessed so much pain…So much sorrow…So much happiness…
Now must decide where to gravitate…While the surrogate father salivates at the thought of another soldier
being added to the ranks…

Little boy is told to give his last thanks to those he loves…
Takes one long drawn out look at the sky and wonders on the perils of life…
The slow steps to paradise…
Each step reminds him of his duty to his faith…
Yet at the same time doubt has settled in…
Won’t let go…
Surrogate father restates the goals…
“The only way to enter the eternal abode!”

Yet she prays too…
She prays…She prays…
Then came this day…
Did her faith save her?
Husband comes home and strokes her skin…
So softly she feels loved for the first time…
But intertwined with this kindness is the lie his eyes hide from his wife….
He has news from her father…
The choice has been made…
For his debts to be paid she must be made a “slave”…
She can’t believe what’s been said…
Before she could make a sound, she’s bound tight by her husband…
Her brother joins in remaking into what the slavers taste…
She screams…
“I’m your sister!”
“How could you do this to me!?”
Her brother’s cold face shows what phase he has reached…
The brainwashing has been complete…
He himself is a mental slave….
She now turns pale as they turn her over to the menacing males…
Have her prayers failed…?
She prays…She prays…

Intro: I had neglected to actually give context to Chapter I and what the story is about. Truth be told I hope I’ve left enough clues for it to be known. This chapter focuses on the sister in this story. Much of the inspiration came from a Nashville, Tennessee based band named Hammock.

This song in particular inspired this writing:
“The Silence”

Their website:
http://www.hammockmusic.com/

I try to draw inspiration from many places as experiment. This song in particular really is something…

1st Chapter: https://silentscholar.com/2016/03/15/once-upon-a-time-chapter-i/
And so it continues…

Chapter II – A Sister’s Faith

I see…
A beautiful woman…
Hides her face…
She refuses to tell…
So I’m forced to dwell in my thoughts…
Caught in my own sense of lost time…
I fail to realize that her story is being told through those eyes…
Peel back the layers of disguise…
Her eyes tell me so much…
Her Faith…

When she was young, she was betrothed to an animal…
Whose mandible dripped lust…
Spoke corrupt…
Each thought erupts as if the thought of being stuck with this animal was enough…?
No…She had to bear more…
A father who who struck her at his own whim…
“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone…”
The community refused to own their own…
For all had sinned and refused to partake in the righteous deed of helping to set her free…
So she was left alone…
Waiting to be taken away from the only home she’d ever known…

Now she’s with the animal whose rage could no longer be caged within the confines of his brainwashed soul…
The vote that his soul took was to be the tyrant of the household…
Each night the case closed with him violating her in shadows….
One wonders if she could even consent to this act…
With the pretense that she would face his wrath if she didn’t oblige…
Still to have a child is the content of many a women’s dreams…
To comment on the means to achieve this dream should be a travesty…

He pierced her hard…No love exchanged…
Just the excrements…
Much to the detriment of what the relationship should’ve been…
This was just the beginning of the many ordeals she would endure…
Yet it would be faith that kept her feeling secure…
A belief in a better day…
Yet…As the fluids keep flowing, loud sounds unaccompanied by the serotonin…
The seed is released…Deed is done…
In 9 months we should see the newborn…

She is now with child…Yet still her life is still an unending trial…
“Husband” is vile all the while the child grows…
The child can hear the fights that happen day and night…
He shakes…shakes…
She feels the pain…Red from the abuse husband the lays onto her beautiful face…
The baby feels her pain…Continues to shake…
Released… many weeks before he was due, due to the pain inflicted as he grew within her womb…
Born too soon…
He struggles to breathe…Mother can’t believe what she sees..
He came too early into this world to be saved…Soon after he’s laid to rest…
Wife now faced with the blame…
“You can’t carry my child!?”
“You’re weak and worthless!”

He continues to beat his wife in plain sight of the community with such impunity that he seems to be the only judge and jury…
Husband marries again…
Continues and unjust trend of unrepentant hate towards this sister in faith…
Cutoff from all her family and friends, she’s forced to dwell in this hellhole that’s also her home…
But in reality her husband “owns” her…
All she has is this corner she uses to pray for a better day…
For she is not so quiet after all…
On her knees…
Praying to the Lord to please let her be free…
All done in secret…

Intro: An older more heavily hip hop style song. A time when rhyming was more of a focus than the content itself.

An interesting monologue/conversation.

Hey…
I can’t believe this is you…
Can’t believe this is the truth…
Can’t believe you grabbed that knife…
Can’t believe you wanted to end your life…

Could believe you threw your knife down…
could believe your life was found…
Could believe you’ve found brighter days…
Could believe you’d find your way…

Can’t believe you kept spiraling down…
Can’t believe you thought life was done…
Can’t believe you grabbed that gun…
Could believe that gun had blanks…
Thank the Lord…
Thanks…

But here you are lying in a hospital bed…!
No one knew of this life you led…!
Stuck with all these tubes…
This is not how I’d pictured you…
Bloodied shirt…
Feel so hurt…

Can’t believe you didn’t tell me…
Can’t believe that we weren’t homies…
Can’t believe you wrote such harsh words…
Can’t believe you wanted us all cursed…

Could believe we were drifting apart…
Could believe it was because of my cold heart…
Could believe I wouldn’t understand…
Could believe that I still want to be your friend…

Could believe….
Can’t believe…
Could believe…
Can’t believe…

Can’t believe they want me to let you go..
Can’t believe I’ll now be all alone…
No homie to hang out with…
No more laugh out loud moments…
Enough…!
No one is hearing me…!
Who am I!?
Who is this!?
We got the same slit wrists…
Not it can’t be..!
You are me…!
I did the deed…!

Intro:

One of my earliest attempts at writing a story spanning multiple songs. Inspired by instrumental Raujika – Fairy Tale: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4AhdzxFung

A total of 3 chapters were written with a 4th one on the mind, but for years I left the story unfinished. Until I stumbled across this gem from one of my favorite composers on YouTube: July – 되돌아가다

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCW_6ON33aU

I expanded it to a total of 7 chapters to complete the story. However I feel that there can be much more added as side stories and/or character studies. This is territory I’m not so familiar with lyrically, but have always wanted to take part in. I’ve changed my writing style over the years and that will be reflected greatly as more chapters are posted.

I’ve also written smaller stories in songs before such as Intensity:

https://silentscholar.com/2015/07/28/intensity-story-in-a-song/

But this is different. Hopefully it’s a worthy attempt on my part; certainly a heartfelt one for sure.

And so begins…

 

Chapter I – Little Boy’s Story

Once upon a time there was a little boy who wanted to go to school…Wanted to be something…Wanted to be a doctor…Wanted to help…Wanted to do good…

Father was farmer…Who’s Karma should’ve meant he would prosper…Instead the land lay decrepit…Father’s cheerful remarks remain tepid…Seems he stepped in too deep…Too poor to make ends meet…Dust lays under his kids’ bare feet…Dustbowl repeats…Is this the only life they will see? What a tragedy this story may turn out to be…

A man shows up to father’s “home”…Wanting to take all that father owns…Failed to pay back the loans…Little boy doesn’t understand the angry rants that the father must stand to hear…The Man leaves…Father stares…Little boy wonders…

While this little boy watches his father toil…The soil decays…It seems there is no way…Each day the sun’s rays seems to burn the family that still prays for rains…Physically drained…yet everyday they still pray….spiritually starved…How hard are their lives…? Once again that man appears…strikes fear in the father’s eyes…Tells his kids to go inside and be with mom…Through the paper thin walls, they can hear the sounds…As the father hits the ground…Stained with blood from the bruises and cuts he suffers at the hands of this merciless other…

Little boy goes to the local place…Tries to strengthen his faith through patience and prayer…Some of those around proceed to say that there is a way…As he listens closely…

There is a way to gain an education…Put food on the table…Finances to keep the family stable…Almost sounds like a happy fable…With a moral that says faith rewards us all…Stay Strong! Stay Strong!

That’s what the teachers say…Nothing more amazing than seeing that smile on the little boy’s face…Knowing today he could stuff his face full with food with no bills due…No more loan sharks…The days that were so hard are in the past…With the math and reading the little boy’s face is teeming with light and hope for the day in which he could serve his community and his Lord in the right way that’s personified through his dreams…Wishing he could help those with few, if any means…Such an innocent boy with so much hope…

Every day he goes home and smiles…Father can’t believe his eyes…Their prayers have finally been “realized”…”Angels” provide the “beginning” to a new life with less strife…Little boy learns to read and write…Each night his eyes close, confident with path he’s chosen…Connected by the beams of light in the night sky…A wondrous sight indeed…Yet thoughts in his mind continue to chide him for a reason we will all see…But for now he drifts into a peaceful sleep…Mother tucks him in…For a little boy requires love to become a man…Love is often the last piece that stands to fall when all else is lost…

As the days pass…

Little boy keeps learning more about the world…His thoughts shaped by those who teach…Molded into a human being with a belief that can never be breached…Now preaches to the princes and paupers on how to live proper…Surrogate father approves of this “son” and wonders if he could be another one…A beacon of hope to the masses…A hero…

“Do you want to be a hero?”

“Do you want unmatched praise?”

He offered him a way towards unlimited praise that would permeate through all the societal cracks and crevices…the beginning of his genesis into a legend…He makes the suggestion…Little boy’s mind, heart, and soul are now all torn…What to do…? What to do…?

I…I choose…

Surrogate father prepares him for more lessons to learn in this life…Shares heart-wrenching stories of sin and redemption…Little boy feels so much apprehension…realizes the only way his ascension would be secured would be to endure this “rite of passage”…

Starts to learn a Sacred Text…Passage after passage…Perfecting his inflections…Never ending attention is paid towards each divine line…He becomes a mental scribe…He trains his thoughts towards the words of “God”?